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THE LIARS 



Bn ©uafnal Corned in jfour Bets 




BY 



HENRY ARTHUR JONES 



AUTHOR OF 

"THE TEMPTER," " MICHAEL AND HIS LOST ANGEL," " THE 

CRUSADERS," " JUDAH,' ' " THE CASE OF REBELLIOUS SUSAN," 

" THE DANCING GIRL," " THE MIDDLEMAN," " THE 

ROGUE'S COMEDY," "THE TRIUMPH OF THE 

PHILISTINES," "THE MASQUER ADERS, " 

4 ' THE PHYSICIAN, ' ' ETC. 



" Above all things, tell no untruth ; no, not in trifles ; the custom of 
«t is naughty." — Sir Henry Sidney's letter to his son Philip Sidney \ 



Copyright, 1909, by Henry Arthur Jones. 



LONDON 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

26 Southampton St., 

Strand 



NEW YORK 
SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

24 West 22D Street 



PERSONS REPRESENTED. 






Colonel Sir Christopher Deering. 

Edward Falkner. 

Gilbert Nepean, Lady Jessica's husband. 

George Nepean, Gilbert's brother. 

Freddie Tatton, Lady Rosamund's husband. 

Archibald Coke, Dolly's husband. 

Waiter at " The Star and Garter." 

Gadsby, footman at Freddie Tatton's. 

Taplin, Sir Christopher's servant. 

Footman at Cadogan Gardens. 



Lady Jessica Nepean 
Lady Rosamund Tatton 
Dolly Coke, their cousin. 
Beatrice Ebernoe. 
Mrs. Crespin. 
Ferris, Lady Jessica's maid. 



sisters. 



© S£P>7 1909 

r.ijD 16 9 45 
SEP 28 1909 



" The Liars " was produced at the Criterion Theatre, London, tinder the 
management of Sir Charles Wyndham, on Wednesday the 6th of October, 
18Q7, and ran there {excepting the summer vacation) till the 2nd of 
November, i8g8. 

THE ORIGINAL CAST WAS AS FOLLOWS: 

Colonel Sir Christopher Deering Sir Charles Wyndham 

Edward Falkner Mr. T. B. Thalberg. 

Gilbert Nepean Mr. Herbert Standing. 

George Nepean Mr. Leslie Kenyon. 

Freddie Tatton Mr. A. Vane Tempest. 

Archibald Coke Mr. Alfred Bishop. 

Waiter Mr. Paul Berton. 

Taplin Mr. R. Lambart . 

Gadsby Mr. C. Terric. 

Footman Mr. A. Eliot. 

Mrs. Crespin Miss Janette Steer. 

Beatrice Ebernoe Miss Cynthia Brook. 

Dolly Coke Miss Sarah Brooke. 

Ferris Miss M. Barton. 

Lady Rosamund Tatton Miss Irene Vanbrugh. 

Lady Jessica Nepean Miss Mary Moore. 






SYNOPSIS OF SCENERY. 



ACT I. 



Scene.— Tent on the Lawn of Freddie Tatton's House 

in the Thames Valley, after Dinner, 

on a Summer Evening. 

ACT II. 

Scene.— Private Sitting-Room Number Ten at " The Star 

and Garter '■ at Shepperford on the following 

Monday Evening. 



ACT III. 

Scene.— Lady Rosamund's Drawing-Room, Cadogan 
Gardens, Chelsea, on the Tuesday Morning. 



ACT IV. 

Scene.— Sir Christopher Deering's Rooms in Victoria 
Street on the Tuesday Evening. 

Time.— The Present. 



L 



ACT I. 

Scene: — Interior of a large tent on the lawn of 
Freddie Tatton's house in the Thames valley. 
The roof of the tent slopes up from the back 
of the stage. An opening at back discovers the 
lawn, a night scene of a secluded part of the 
Thames, and the opposite bank beyond. Small 
opening L. The tent is of Eastern material, 
splendidly embroidered in rich Eastern colours. 
The floor is planked and some rugs are laid down. 
The place is comfortably furnished for summer 
tea and smoking room. Several little tables, 
chairs and lounges, most of them of basket-work. 
On the table spirit-decanters, soda-water bottles, 
cigars, cigarettes, empty coffee cups, match-box, 
etc. Some plants in the corners. Lamps and 
candles lighted. 

Time: After dinner on a summer evening. 
Discover Archibald Coke and " Freddie " Tat- 
ton. Coke, a tall, pompous, precise man, about 
fifty, is seated at side table smoking. Freddie, 
a nervous, weedy little creature about thirty, with 
no whiskers, and nearly bald, with a very squeaky 
voice, is walking about. 

Freddie. 
( Very excited, very voluble, very squeaky. ) * It's 

7 



1st. Call. Coke, 
Freddie, Mrs. 
Crespin, Sir 
Christopher^ 
George. 



1 Walking up 
and down C. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



sc. r 



all very well for folks to say, " Give a woman her 
head; don't ride her on the curb." But I tell you 
this, Coke, when a fellow has got a wife like mine, 
or Jess, it's confoundedly difficult to get her to go 
at all without a spill, eh ? 

Coke. 1 



* Seated L.C. 



It is perplexing to know precisely how to handle 
a wife {drinks, sighs) — very perplexing! 

Freddie. 

Perplexing? It's a d — ee — d silly riddle without 
any answer! You know I didn't want to have this 
house-party for the Regatta — (Coke looks at him.) 
— I beg your pardon. Of course I wanted to have 
you and Dolly, and I didn't mind Gilbert and Jess. 
But I didn't want to have Falkner here. He's pay- 
ing a great deal too much attention to Jess, and Jess 
doesn't choke him off as she should. Well, I 
thoroughly made up my mind if Jess came, Falkner 
shouldn't. 



Yes? 



Coke. 
Freddie. 



Well, Rosamund said he should. So I stuck out, 
and she stuck out, in fact we both stuck out for a 
week. I was determined he shouldn't come. 

Coke. 

Then why did you give in ? 

Freddie. 



I didn't. 



Coke. 



But he's here! 

Freddie. 
Yes ; but only for a few days. 
8 



Rosamund invited 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT. I 



1 Crossing to R. 
C. 



him, unknown to me, and then — well — you see, I 
was obliged to be civil to the fellow. (Very confi- 
dential.) I say, Coke — we're tiled in, aren't we? 
Candidly, what would you do if you had a wife like 
Rosamund ? 

Coke. 
(Sententiously.) Ah! Just so! (Drinks.) 

Freddie. 1 
You're the lucky man of us three, Coke. 
Coke. 

I must own my wife has some good points 

Freddie. 
Dolly got good points ! I should think she has ! 

Coke. 
But she's terribly thoughtless and frivolous. 
Freddie. 

So much the better. Give me a woman that lets 
a man call his soul his own. That's all I want, Coke, 



to call my soul my own. And — (resolutely) some 
of these days — (very resolutely) I will, that's all ! 2 

(Enter Mrs. Crespin, a sharp, good-looking 
woman between thirty and thirty-five. 3 

Mrs. C. 

Is Mr. Gilbert Nepean leaving for Devonshire to- 
night ? 

Freddie. 

Yes. He takes the eleven thirty-four slow and 
waits for the down fast at Reading. 

Mrs. C. 

To-night ? 

9 



8 sits on settee R. 
takes up Brad- 
shaw which is 
on settee. 

3 Comes C.from 
L. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Coming dovm 
O. 



* Crosses to L. C. 



Freddie. 

Yes. His steward, Crampton, has been robbing" 
him for years, and now the fellow has bolted with a 
heap of money and a farmer's wife. 

Mrs. C. 
Mr. Nepean must go to-night ? x 

Freddie. 

Yes. Why? 

Mrs. C. 

Lady Jessica and Mr. Falkner have gone for a 
little moonlight row. 2 I thought Mr. Nepean might 
like to stay and steer. 

Freddie. 

Oh, Lady Jessica knows the river well. 

Mrs. C. 

Ah, then Mr. Nepean can look after the steward. 
After all, no husband need emphasize the natural 
absurdity of his position by playing cox to another 
man's stroke, need he. 3 

(Enter Colonel Sir Christopher Deering, a 
genial, handsome Englishman about thirty-eight, 
and George Nepean, a dark, rather heavy-look- 
ing man about the same age. 4 " 

Sir C. , 

Oh, nonsense, Nepean; you're mistaken! 

George. 5 

You'd better say a word to Falkner 

Sir C. 

(With a warning look.) Shush! 
10 



* Going up R. C. 
to top of settee. 



* Comes C. 



* B.C. 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



George. 

If you don't, I shall drop a very strong hint to 
my brother. 

Sir C. 
{More peremptorily.) Shush, Shush! 1 
Freddie. 



What's the matter ? 



Sir C. 



Nothing, Freddie, nothing! Our friend here 
{trying to link his arm in George's — George stands 
off) is a little old-fashioned. He doesn't understand 
that in all really innocent flirtations ladies allow 
themselves a very large latitude indeed. In fact, 
from my very modest experience with the sex — take 
it for what it's worth — I should say the more inno- 
cent the flirtation, the larger the latitude the lady 
allows herself, eh, Mrs. Crespin ? 2 

Mrs. C. 

Oh, we are all latitudinarians at heart. 

Sir C. 

Yes; but a lady who practises extensively as a 
latitudarian rarely becomes a — a — a longitudinarian, 
eh ? 3 

Mrs. C. 

Oh, I wouldn't answer for her! It's a horrid, 
wicked world; and if once a woman allows one of 
you wretches to teach her the moral geography of it, 
it's ten to one she gets her latitude and longitude 
mixed before she has had time to look at the map. 4 

Freddie. 5 

{To Sir Christopher.) I say, I'm awfully sorry 

ii 



1 Crosses to back 
of table R., 
looks at paper. 



2 Crosses to Mrs. 
Crespin R. C. 
George goes to 
opening. 



3 Freddie rises, 
goes up i?., 
crosses to R. C, 



4 Crosses down if. 

5 Comes down C. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



;c. I 



Snd Call Lady 
Rosamond and 
Dolly. 



Very confiden- 
tially and 
bringing Sir C. 
forward. 



1 Freddie turns 
up C, sits. 
George comes 
L. C. to them. 
Mrs. Crespin 
sits on settee R. 



*C. 



about this. You know I told Rosamund how it 
would be if we had Falkner here 

Sir C. 

(Draws Freddie aside.) Shush! Tell Lady Rosa- 
mund to caution Lady Jessica 

Freddie. 

I will. But Rosamund generally does just the 
opposite of what I tell her. Don't be surprised, old 
fellow, if you hear some of these days that I've — 
well, don't be surprised. 

Sir C. 
At what? 

Freddie. 

Well, I shall 1 — now, candidly, old fellow — we're 
tiled in, quite between ourselves — if you found your- 
self landed as I am, what would you do ? 

Sir C. 
You mean if I found myself married? 

Freddie. 
Yes. 

Sir C. 
I should make the best of it. 2 
George. 

(To Sir C.) Then it's understood that you'll give 
Falkner a hint? 

Sir C 3 

My dear fellow, surely your brother is the best 
judge 

George. 

Of what he doesn't see? 
12 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



He's here. 



Sir C. 



George. 



He's leaving for Devonshire to-night — unless I 
stop him. Will that be necessary? 

Sir C. 

No. Falkner is my fiiend. I introduced him 
to Lady Jessica. 1 If you insist, I'll speak to him. 
But I'm sure you're wrong. He's the very soul of 
honour. 2 I didn't live with him out there those 
three awful years without knowing him. 

George. 

I don't see what your living three years in Africa 
with him has got to do with it, eh, Mrs. Crespin ? 

Mrs. C. 

Let's see how it works out. Falkner behaves 
most gallantly in Africa. Falkner rescues Mrs. 
Ebernoe. Falkner splendidly avenges Colonel 
Ebernoe's death, and strikes terror into every slave- 
dealer's heart. Falkner returns to England covered 
with glory. A grateful nation goes into a panic of 
admiration, and makes itself slightly ridiculous over 
Falkner. Falkner is the lion of the season. There- 
fore we may be quite sure that Falkner won't make 
love to any pretty woman who comes in his way. It 
doesn't seem to work out right. 3 

Sir C. 

But Falkner is not an ordinary man, not even an 
ordinary hero. 

Mrs. C. 

My dear Sir Christopher, the one cruel fact about 
heroes is that they are made of flesh and blood ! 

13 



1 Sir C. crosses to 
L. C. by Coke's 
chair. George 
annoyed 
crosses to R. C. 

2 Mrs. C. gives a 
sarcastic little 
laugh. 



George turns 
up to Fred C. 
Sir C. crosses 
to R. C. and 
sits on stool by 
Mrs. Crespin. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Oh, if only they were made of waxwork, of Crown 
Derby ware, or Britannia metal ; but, alas and alas ! 
they're always made of flesh and blood. 

Coke. 

Where did Falkner come from? What were his 
people ? 

Sir C. 

His grandfather was what Nonconformists call 
an eminent divine, his father was a rich city mer- 
chant; his mother was a farmer's daughter. Falk- 
ner himself is a — well, he's a Puritan Don Quixote, 
mounted on Pegasus. 

Mrs. C. 

Put a Puritan Don Quixote on horseback, and 
he'll ride to the — Lady Jessica, eh? 

Sir C. 
Hush! He'll love and he'll ride away.* 

Mrs. C. 
(Significantly.) I sincerely hope so. 

Coke. 



* Warning for 
piano. 



x Rising, crosses 
to C, and goes 
up to George 



* Rises, crosses 
down L. 



t Piano off L. 



I must say that Falkner is less objectionable than 
Dissenters generally are. 1 I have an unconquerable 
aversion to Dissenters. 



Sir C. 

Oh, I hate 'em. 2 But they saved England, 
'em! And I'm not sure whether they're n 
soundest part of the nation to-day.f 

Mrs. C. 



the 



Oh, pray don't tell them so, just as they're getting 
harmless and sensible — and a little artistic. 
(A piano is played very softly and beautifully 
H 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



1 Freddie crosses 
down B. 



Indeed ! 
sociable. 2 



at a distance of some twenty yards. They all 
listen. 

Mrs. C 
Is that Mrs. Ebernoe ? * 

Sir C. 
Yes. 

Mrs. C. 
What a beautiful touch she has! 

Sir C. 
She has a beautiful nature. 

Mrs. C. 

I thought she was a little stiff and un- 
But perhaps we are too frivolous. 

Sir C 3 

Perhaps. And she hasn't quite recovered from 
poor Ebernoe's death. 

(Enter Lady Rosamund and Dolly Coke in 
evening dress. Dolly is without any wrap on her 
shoulders* 

Mrs. C. 

But that's nearly two years ago. Is it possible 
we still have women amongst us who can mourn two 
years for a man? It gives me hopes again for my 
sex. 5 

Freddie. 

(His back to Lady Rosamund.) I know jolly 
well Rosamund won't mourn two years for me. 6 

Lady R. 

(A clear-cut, bright, pretty woman.) You're quite 
right, Freddie, I shan't. But if you behave very 
prettily meantime, I promise you a decent six weeks. 

15 



8 Sir C. looks an- 
noyed at Mrs. 
Crespin. 

* crosses to C. 
goes to opening 
L. and looks 
off. 



* Enter C. from 
L. Dolly talks 
to George. 
Lady B. to 
Coke. 



5 Dolly crosses to 
table B., looks 
at paper. 



8 Sits on settee. 
Lady B. comes 
C. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



So be satisfied, and don't make a disturbance down 
there (with a little gesture pointing down) and 
create the impression that I wasn't a model wife. 1 



* Lady R. sits on 
stool R. C. 
picks up 
" Truth.'" Coke 
crosses to 
Dolly. 



2 Crosses to back 
of settee R. 
Coke goes up L. 
to Sir C. 



• Exit L. Lady 
R. rises, crosses 
down R., looks 
anxiously 
after George. 
Sir C. comes C. 



Coke. 

(In a very querulous, pedantic tone to Dolly.) 
No wrap again! Really, my dear, I do wish you 
would take more precautions against the night air. 
If you should take influenza again 

Dolly. 

(Pretty, empty-headed little woman.) Oh, my 
dear Archie, if I do, it is I who will have to cough 
and sneeze! 

Coke. 

Yes; but it is I who will be compelled to listen 
to you. I do wish you would remember how very 
inconvenient it is for me when you have influenza. 

Dolly. 

Oh, my dear, you don't expect me to remember 
all the things that are inconvenient to you. Besides 
other people don't wrap up. Jessica is out on the 
river with absolutely nothing on her shoulders. 2 

Mrs. C. 

Is it not a physiological fact that when our hearts 
reach a certain temperature our shoulders may be, 
and often are, safely left bare ? 

(George Nepean has been listening. He comes 
some steps towards them as if about to speak, 
stops, then turns and exit with great determina- 
tion? m 

Sir C. 

Mrs. Crespin, you saw that? 
16 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



Mrs. C 

Yes. Where has he gone ? 

Sir C. 

I suppose to tell his brother his suspicions. I'm 
sure you meant nothing just now, but — (glancing 
round) — we are all friends of Lady Jessica's, aren't 

we? 

Mrs. C. 

Oh, certainly. 1 But don't you think you ought to 
get Mr. Falkner away? 

Sir C. 

He'll be leaving England soon. 2 These fresh out- 
breaks amongst the slave-traders will give us no end 
of trouble, and the Government will have to send 
Falkner out. Meantime 

Mrs. C. 

Meantime, doesn't Mrs. Ebernoe play divinely? 

Sir C. 

(Politely intercepting her.) 3 Meantime it's un- 
derstood that nothing more is to be said of this ? 

Mrs. C. 

Oh, my dear Sir Christopher, what more can be 
said? 

(Exit.) 4 

Sir C. 

(Holds the tent curtains aside for her to pass 
out; looks after her, shakes his head, perplexed, 
then turns to Coke. ) Coke what do you say, a hun- 
dred up ? 

Coke. 5 

I'm agreeable! Dolly! Dolly! 

17 



1 Mrs. Crespin 
rises, goes to 
Sir C. 



* Lady R. asJcs 
Freddie to 
make room for 
her on the set- 
tee. He moves 
to other end. 
She sits. 



8 Mrs. Crespin 
goes up C. Sir 
C. follows her 
up. 



C. to L. 



5 By table L. C. 
crosses to C. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



sc. r 



(Lady Rosamund, Dolly, and Freddie are 
chattering very vigorously together.)^ 

Dolly. 

(Doesn't turn round to him.) Well? 1 



* At back of 
settee. 



•3rd Call. Lady 
Jessica Falk~ 



» C. to L. 



• Rises, crosses to 
JL.C. 



(Goes on chattering to Lady Rosamund and 
Freddie. ) 

Coke. 

You had a tiresome hacking cough, dear, during 
the greater portion of last night. 

Dolly. 

Did I? (Same business.) 

Coke. 

It would be wise to keep away from the river. 

Dolly. 

Oh, very well, dear. I'll try and remember 
(Same business.) 

Coke. 

(Turns, annoyed, to Sir Christopher.) I'm a 
painfully light sleeper. The least thing disturbs 
me, and — (Looks anxiously at Dolly, who is still 
chattering, then turns to Sir C.) Do you sleep 
well ? * 

Sir C. 

(Links his arm in Coke's.) Like a top. Never 
missed a night's rest in my life. 

(Takes Coke off at opening.) 2 

Freddie. 

(Has been talking angrily to Lady Rosamund.) 
Very well then, what am I to do ? 3 
18 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



Dolly. 

Oh, do go and get a whisky and soda, there's a 
dear Freddie ! 

Freddie. 

That's all very well, but if Jessica goes and makes 
a fool of herself in my house, people will say it was 
my fault. 

Lady R. 1 

What — example, or influence, or sheer desperate 
imitation ? 

Freddie. 



{Pulls himself up, looks very satirical, evidently 
tries to think of some crushing reply without suc- 
cess.) I must say, Rosamund, that your continued 
chaff of me and everything that I do is in execrable 
taste? For a woman to chaff her husband on all 
occasions is- — well, it's in very bad taste, that's all 
I can say about it ! 3 

{Exit.) 

Dolly. 

Freddie's getting a dreadful fidget. He's nearly 
as bad as Archie. 

Lady R. 

Oh, my dear, he's ten times worse. One can't 
help feeling some small respect for Archie. 4 

Dolly. 

Oh, do you think so? Well, yes, I suppose 
Archie is honourable and all that. 

Lady R. 

Oh, all men are honourable. They get kicked 
out if they aren't. My Freddie's honourable in his 
poor little way. 

19 



Rises, crosses to 
C. 



a Lady R. laughs. 



* Dolly sits R. C. 
Freddie sits L. 



« Sits L. C. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



Dolly. 

Oh, don't run Freddie down. I rather like 
Freddie. 

Lady R. 

Oh, if you had to live with him 

Dolly. 

Well, he always lets you have your own way. 

Lady R. 

I wish he wouldn't. I really believe I should 
love and respect him a little more if he were to take 
me and give me a good shaking, or do something 
to make me feel that he's my master. But (sighs) 
he never will ! He'll only go on asking everybody's 
advice how to manage me — and never find out. As 
if it weren't the easiest thing in the world to manage 
a woman — if men only knew. 

Dolly. 

Oh, do you think so? I wonder if poor old 
Archie knows how to manage me! 

Lady R. 

Archie's rather trying at times. 

Dolly. 

Oh, he is ! He's so frumpish and particular, and 
he's getting worse. 

Lady R. 

Oh, my dear, they do as they grow older. 

Dolly. 

Still, after all, Freddie and Archie aren't quite so 
awful as Gilbert. 

20 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



Lady R. 

Oh, Gilbert's a terror. I hope Jessica won't do 
anything foolish 

(A very merry peal of laughter heard off, followed 
by Lady Jessica's voice.) 

(Heard off.) Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Please keep 
away from my dress! Oh, I'm so sorry! (Laugh- 
ing a little.) But you are — so — so 

(Another peal of laughter.) 

Falkner. 

(Heard off, a deep, rich, sincere, manly tone.) 
So ridiculous ? I don't mind that ! 



Lady J. 
But you'll take cold. 



Do go and 



(Heard off.) 
change ! 

Falkner. 

(Heard off.) Change? That's not possible! * 

(Lady Jessica appears at opening at back, looking 
off, smothering her laughter. She is a very 
bright, pretty woman about twenty-seven, very 
dainty and charming. Piano ceases.) 

Lady J. 
Oh, the poor dear, foolish fellow ! 1 Look ! 

Lady R. 
What is it? 

Lady J. 

My ten-and-sixpenny brooch! He kept on beg- 
ging for some little souvenir, so I took this off. 
That quite unhinged him. I saw he was going to 
be demonstrative, so I dropped the brooch in the 
river and made a terrible fuss. He jumped in, poor 

21 



* Piano off stops. 



1 Comes down C. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



dear, and fished it up. It was so muddy at the 
bottom! He came up looking like a Hn-de-siecle 
Neptune — or a forsaken merman — or the draggled 
figure-head of a penny Thames steamboat. 

Lady R. 

( Very seriously. ) Jess, the men are talking about 
you. 

Lady J. 
{Very carelessly.) Ah, are they? Who is? 

Lady R. 
My Freddie says that you- 

Lady J. 

{Interrupting on "says") My dear Rosy, I 
don't mind what your Freddie says any more than 
you do. 

Lady R. 
But George has been fizzing up all the evening. 

Lady J. 
Oh, let him fizz down again. 
Lady R. 

But I believe he has gone to give Gilbert a 
hint 

Lady J. 

{Showing annoyance.) Ah, that's mean of 
George! How vexing! Perhaps Gilbert will stay 
now. 

Lady R. 
Perhaps it's as well that Gilbert should stay. 

Lady J. 
What? My dear Rosy, you know I'm the very 

22 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



best of wives, but it does get a little monotonous to 
spend all one's time in the company of a man who 
doesn't understand a joke — not even when it's ex- 
plained to him ! 

Lady R. 1 



Jess, you really must pull up. 

Dolly. 

Yes, Jess. Mrs. Crespin was making some very 
cattish remarks about you and Mr. Falkner. 

Lady J. 

Was she? Rosy, why do you have that woman 
here? 

Lady R. 

I don't know. One must have somebody. I 
thought you and she were very good friends. 

Lady J. 

Oh, we're the best of friends, only we hate each 
other like poison. 

Lady R. 

I don't like her. But she says such stinging things 
about my Freddie, and makes him so wild. 

Lady J. 

Does she? I'll ask her down for the shooting. 
Oh ! I've got a splendid idea ! * 

Lady R. 
What is it? 2 

Lady J. 

A new career for poor gentlewomen. You 
found a school and carefully train them in all the 
best traditions of the gentle art of husband-baiting 
Then you invite one of them to your house, pay her, 

23 



1 Rises, crosses 

to a 



* Uth Call-Gilbert 
{cigar and case) 

1 Dolly rises, and 
goes to Jess. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



of course, a handsome salary, and she assists you 
in " the daily round, the common task " of making 
your husband's life a perfect misery to him. 1 After 
a month or so she is played out and retires to an- 
other sphere, and you call in a new — lady-help ! 



1 They all laugh. 



Lady R. 

Oh, I don't think I should care to have my Fred- 
die systematically henpecked by another woman. 

Lady J. 

No ; especially as you do it so well yourself. Be- 
sides, your Freddie is such a poor little pocket-edi- 
tion of a man — I hope you don't mind my saying 

so 

Lady R. 

Oh, not at all. He's your own brother-in-law. 

Lady J. 

Yes; and you may say what you like about Gil- 
bert. 

Dolly. 
Oh, we do, don't we, Rosy? 

Lady J. 
Do you? Well, what do you say? 

Dolly. 

Oh, it wouldn't be fair to tell, would it, Rosy? 
But Mrs. Crespin said yesterday 

(Lady Rosamund glances at Dolly and stops 

her.) 

Lady J. 



About Gilbert ? 

Yes. 



Dolly. 



24 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



Lady J. 

Well, what did she say? 
(Dolly glances at Lady Rosamund inquiringly.) 

Lady R. 
No, Dolly, no ! 

Lady J. 
Yes, Dolly! Do tell me. 

Lady R. 
No, no! 

Lady J. 

I don't care what she said, so long as she didn't 
say he could understand a joke. That would be 
shamefully untrue. I've lived with him for five 
years, and I'm sure he can't. But what did Mrs. 
Crespin say, Rosy? 

Lady R. 

No, it really was a little too bad. 

Dolly. 

Yes. I don't much mind what anybody says 
about Archie, but if Mrs. Crespin had said about 
him what she said about Gilbert 

Lady J. 

But what did she say? Rosy, if you don't tell 
me, I won't tell you all the dreadful things I hear 
about your Freddie. Oh, do tell me! There's a 
dear ! 



Well she said- 



Lady R. 

- (Begins laughing.) 

( Dolly begins laughing. ) 

25 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



*C.fromL. 



Lady J. 
Oh, go on! go on! go on! 

Lady R. 

She said — no, I'll whisper ! 

(Lady Jessica inclines her ear, Lady Rosamund 
whispers; Dolly laughs.) 

Lady J. 
About Gilbert? {Beginning to laugh.) 

Lady R. 
Yes. {Laughing.) 
{They all join in a burst of laughter which grows 
louder and louder. At its height enter 1 Gilbert 
Nepean. He is a man rather over forty, much 
the same build as his brother George ; rather stout, 
heavy figure, dark complexion; strong, immobile, 
uninteresting features; large, coarse hands; a 
habit of biting his nails. He is dressed in tweeds, 
long light ulster and travelling cap, zvhich he does 
not remove. As he enters, the laughter, which 
has been very boisterous, suddenly ceases. He 
goes up to table without taking any notice of the 
ladies; very deliberately takes out cigar from case, 
strikes a match which does not ignite, throws it 
down with an angry gesture and exclamation; 
strikes another which also does not ignite; throws 
it dozvn with a still angrier gesture and exclama- 
tion. The third match ignites, and he deliberately 
lights his cigar. Meantime, as soon as he has 
reached table, Lady Jessica, who stands behind 
him, exchanges glances with Dolly and Lady 
Rosamund, and makes a little face behind his 
back. Lady R. winks at Lady Jessica, who re- 
sponds by pvdling a mock long face. Lady R. 
steals off. 2 Dolly shrugs her shoulders at Lady 
26 



*c. 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



Jessica, who pulls her face still longer. Dolly 
Rosamund steals quietly off after Lady. 1 Gil- 
bert is still busy with his cigar. Lady Jessica 
does a little expressive pantomime behind his 
back. 2 

Gilbert. 

What's all this tomfoolery with Falkner? 

Lady J. 
Tomfoolery? 

Gilbert. 

George says you are carrying on some tomfoolery 
with Falkner. 

Lady J. 

Ah ! that's very sweet and elegant of George. 
But I never carry on any tomfoolery with anyone — 
because I'm not a tomfool, therefore I can't. 

Gilbert. 

I wish for once in your life you'd give me a 
plain answer to a plain question. 

Lady J. 

Oh, I did once. 3 You shouldn't remind me of 
that. But I never bear malice. Ask me another, 
such as — if a herring and a half cost three ha'pence, 
how long will it take one's husband to learn polite- 
ness enough to remove his cap in his wife's pres- 
ence? 

Gilbert. 

(Instinctively takes off his cap, then glancing at 
her attitude, which is one of amused defiance, he 
puts the cap on again.) There's a draught here. 

Lady J. 
The lamp doesn't show it. But perhaps you are 
right to guard a sensitive spot. 

27 



c. 



* Throws him 
three kisses, 
shrugs her 
shoulders, 
crosses to seU 
tee and sits. 
Gilbert 
toC. 



3 Gilbert gives a 
grunt, crosses 
down to L., 
helps himself 
to a drink. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Gilbert. 

I say there's a confounded draught. 

Lady J. 

Oh, don't tell fibs, dear. Because if you do, you'll 
go — where you may meet me ; and then we should 
have to spend such a very long time together. 



1 Goes up L., 
crosses to C. 



5th Calls servant. 



8 Moves a little to 
£., and near 
chair L. C. 



* Pointing to his 
head. 



Gilbert. 

{Nonplussed, a moment or two; 1 takes out his 
zvatch.) I've no time to waste. I must be down 
in Devonshire to-morrow to go into this business of 
Crampton's. But before I go, I mean to know the 
truth of this nonsense between you and Falkner.* 

Lady J. 
Ah! 

Gilbert. 
Shall I get it from you — or from him? 

Lady J. 

Wouldn't it be better to get it from me ? Because 
he mightn't tell you all? 

Gilbert. 

All? Then there is something to know? 

Lady J. 

Heaps. And if you'll have the ordinary polite- 
ness to take off that very ugly cap I'll be very sweet 
and obedient and tell you all. 

Gilbert. 
Go on ! 2 

Lady J. 
Not while the cap sits there ! 3 

28 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



1 Sits on settee. 



Gilbert. 
I tell you I feel the draught. 
(Lady Jessica rises, goes to th$ tent openings, care- 
fully draws the curtains. He zvatches her, sulk- 
ily.) 

Lady J. 
There! now you may safely venture to uncover 
the sensitive spot. 1 

Gilbert. 
(Firmly.) No. 

Lady J. 
(Serenely, seated.) Very well, my dear. Then 
I shan't open my lips. 

Gilbert. 
You won't ? 

Lady J. 
No ; and I'm sure it's far more important for you 
to know what is going on between Mr. Falkner and 
me than to have that horrid thing sticking on your 
head. 

Gilbert. 
(Takes a turn or two, bites his nails, at length 
sulkily flings the cap on the chair. ) 2 Now ! 
Lady J. 
Mr. Falkner is very deeply attached to me, I be- 
lieve. 

Gilbert. 
He has told you so? 

Lady J. 
No. 

Gilbert. 
No? 

Lady J. 
No ; but that's only because I keep on stopping 
him. 

29 



2 i.e. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



sc I. 



Gilbert. 
You keep on stopping him? 

Lady J. 
Yes ; it's so much pleasanter to have him dangling 



a Crosses down 
L. ; back to C. 



for a little while, and then 

Gilbert. 
Then what ? 

Lady J. 
Well, it is pleasant to be admired. 

Gilbert. 
And you accept his admiration ? 

Lady J. 

Of course I do. Why shouldn't I ? If Mr. Falk- 
ner admires me, isn't that the greatest compliment 
he can pay to your taste ? And if he spares you the 
drudgery of being polite to me, flattering me, com- 
plimenting me, and paying me the hundred delicate 
little attentions that win a woman's heart, I'm sure 
you ought to be very much obliged to him for taking 
all that trouble off your hands. 

Gilbert. 1 

(Looks furious.) Now understand me. This 
nonsense has gone far enough. I forbid you to have 
anything further to say to the man. 

Lady J. 

Ah, you forbid me! 

Gilbert. 



I forbid you. And, understand, if you do- 

Lady J. 
Ah, take care ! Don't threaten me ! 
30 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



Gilbert. 1 

Do you mean to respect my wishes ? 

Lady J. 

Of course I shall respect your wishes. I may not 
obey them, but I will respect them. 

Gilbert. 2 

(Enraged, comes up to her very angrily.) Now, 
Jessica, once for all 

(Enter George, 3 Gilbert stops suddenly.) 

George. 

The dog-cart's ready, Gilbert. What's the mat- 
ter? 

Gilbert. 

Nothing. (To Lady Jessica.) 4 You'll please to 
come on to me at Teignwick to-morrow. 

Lady J. 

Can't. I've promised to go to Barbara, and I 
must keep my promise, even though it parts me 
from you. 

(Enter Servant.) 5 

Serv. 

You've only just time to catch the train, sir. 

Gilbert. 
I'm not going. 

Serv. 
Not going, sir ? 

Gilbert. 
No. 

(Exit Servant.) 6 
Lady J. 
(Appeals to George.) Isn't it dear of him to 

3i 



1 Going down L. 



a Throws cigar 
away. 



s Crosses from L. 
comes a step C. 



* George goes 
down L. in 
front of table. 



6 C. from L. 



• C. to L. Lady 
Jess rises. 
Crosses C. to L. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



stay here on my account when he knows he ought 
to be in Devon? Isn't it sweet to think that after 
five long years one has still that magnetic attraction 
for one's husband ? 1 



1 Crosses to back 
of table L. C, 
looks at paper. 



* Comes back to 
C. 



9 Shaking 

George's hand. 
* Gilbert crosses 

to Lady Jess. 

George crosses 

down R. and 

round to back 

of settee. 

Looks at paper. 
6 Picks up cap. 



9 Turns up C. 



7 Still looking at 
paper L. 



Gilbert. 

No. I'm hanged if I stay on your account. 
(Goes up to opening, calls out.) Hi! Gadsby! 
I'm coming ! 2 Understand, I expect you at Teign- 
wick to-morrow. 

Lady J. 
Dearest, I shan't come. 

Gilbert. 
I say you shall ! 

Lady J. 

" Shall " is not a pretty word for a husband to 
use. 

(Takes up the cap he has thrown down and stands 
twiddling the tassel.) 

Gilbert. 

(After a furious dig at his nails.) George, I ex- 
pect this business of Crampton's will keep me for a 
week, but I can't tell. 3 Look after everything while 
I'm away. (To Lady Jessica.) 4 You won't come 
to Teignwick ? 

Lady J. 
I've promised Barbara. Here's your cap. 5 
Gilbert. 

Good-bye, George! 6 (Looks at Lady Jessica, 
and is then going off at back.) 

Lady J. 
Ta, ta, dearest! 7 
32 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



Gilbert. 

(Turns, comes a step or two to Lady Jessica, 
livid with anger; speaks in her ear.) You'll go 
just one step too far some day, madam, and if you 
do, look out for yourself, for, by God! I won't 
spare you! 

(Exit. 1 Lady Jessica stands a little frightened, 
goes tip to opening at back, as if to call him back, 
comes down. 2 George stands watching her, 
smoking. ) 

Lady J. 

(After a little pause.) George, that was very 
silly of you to tell Gilbert about Mr. Falkner and 



me. 

George. 
I thought you had gone far enough. 

Lady J. 

Oh no, my dear friend. You must allow me to be 
the best judge of how far 

George. 
How far you can skate over thin ice? 

Lady J. 3 

The thinner the ice the more delicious the fun, 
don't you think? Ah, you're like Gilbert. You 
don't skate — or joke. 4 

George. 

You heard what Gilbert said? 

Lady J. 

Yes ; that was a hint to you. Won't it be rather 
a tiresome task for you? 

33 



1 C. to L. 



2 In front of 
table L. C. 



9 Crosses to C 



* Sits L. C. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



1 Coming toward 
her C. 



George. 
What? 1 

Lady J. 

To keep an eye on me, watch that I don't go that 
one step too far. And not quite a nice thing to do, 
eh? 

George. 

Oh, I've no intention of watching you 

(Enter Falkner.) 2 



2 L. pleased at 
seeing Lady 
Jess. Sees 
George turn tip 
C. , looks off. 
George crosses 
to Lady Jess. 

* Falkner comes 
down C. 
George exits L. 



« Rises, crosses 
to R., picks 
flowers in boivl 
on table R. 



• Coming to him. 



(Looking at the two.) Not the least intention, I 
assure you. 3 (Exit.) 

Lady J. 

So to-morrow will break up our pleasant party. 

Falkner. 

(About forty, strong, fine, clearly-cut features, 
earnest expression, hair turning gray, complexion 
pale and almost gray with continued work, anxiety, 
and abstinence.) And after to-morrow J 

Lady J. 
Ah, after to-morrow ! 4 

Falkner. 
When shall we meet again? 

Lady J. 

Shall we meet again ? Yes, I suppose. Extremes 
do meet, don't they ? 5 

Falkner. 

Are we extremes? 

Lady J. 

Aren't we? I suppose I'm the vainest, emptiest, 
most irresponsible creature in the world 

34 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



Falkner. 

You're not! you're not! You slander yourself! 
You can be sincere, you can be earnest, you can be 

serious 

Lady J.* 



Can I ? Oh, do tell me what fun there is in being 
serious! I can't see the use of it. There you are, 
for instance, mounted on that high horse of serious- 
ness, spending the best years of your life in fighting 
African slave-traders and other windmills of that 
sort. Oh do leave the windmills alone ! They'll all 
tumble by themselves by-and-by. 

Falkner. 

I'm not going to spend the best years of my life 
in fighting slave-traders. I'm going to spend them 
— in loving you. (Approaching her very closely.) 

Lady J. 

Oh, that will be worse than the windmills — and 
quite as useless. (He is very near to her.) If you 
please — you remember we promised to discuss all 
love-matters at a distance of three feet, so as to 
allow for the personal equation. 1 Your three feet, 
please. 

Falkner. 

When shall we meet again ? 

Lady J. 

Ah, when? Where do you go to-morrow night, 
when you leave here ? 2 

Falkner. 

I don't know. Where do you ? 

Lady J. 

To my cousin Barbara's. 

35 



6th call. Ferris, 
Sir Chris- 
topher. 



1 He moves to 
her. She mo- 
tions him 
away. 



* Turning up C. 
Falkner 
follows. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



* Coming down 
B.C. 



Falkner. 
Where is that? 

Lady J. 

Oh, a little way along the river, towards town; 
not far from Staines. 

Falkner. 

In what direction? 

Lady J. 

About two miles to the nor'-nor'-sou'-west. I 
never was good at geography. 1 

Falkner. 

Is there a good inn near? 

Lady J. 

There's a delightful little riverside hotel, the Star 
and Garter, at Shepperford. They make a speciality 
of French cooking. 

Falkner. 

I shall go there when I leave here to-morrow. 
May I call at your cousin's? 

Lady J. 

It wouldn't be wise. And I'm only staying till 
Monday. 2 

Falkner. 
And then ? 

Lady J. 

On Monday evening I go back to town. 

Falkner. 
Alone? 3 

Lady J. 

No ; with Ferris, my maid. Unless I send her on 

first. 

36 



4 Sits on settee R. 



* Bending over 
her. She mo- 
tions him 
away . 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



Falkner. 
And you will ? 

Lady J. 

No; I don't think so. But a curious thing hap- 
pened to me the last time I stayed at Barbara's. I 
sent Ferris on with the luggage in the early after- 
noon, and I walked to the station for the sake of 
the walk. Well, there are two turnings, and I must 
have taken the wrong one. 

Falkner. 
What happened? 

Lady J. 

I wandered about for miles, and at half-past seven 
I found myself, very hot, very tired, very hungry, 
and in a very bad temper, at the Star and Garter at 
Shepperford. That was on a Monday too. 

Falkner. 
That was on a Monday? 

Lady J. 
Yes — hark ! {Goes suddenly to back, 1 looks off.) 
Oh, it's you, Ferris ! What are you doing there ? 

(Ferris, a perfectly-trained lady's maid, about 
thirty, dark, quiet, reserved, a little sinister-look- 
ing, appears at opening at back with wrap in 
hand. ) 

Ferris. 
I beg pardon, my lady. But I thought you might 

be getting chilly, so I've brought you this. 

Lady J. 
Put it on the chair. 2 

Ferris. 
Yes, my lady. 

(Exit.) 3 

37 



1 Draws back the 
curtain. Fer- 
ris is listen- 
ing ; she starts 
as curtain 
opens. Falk- 
n er crosses 
down E. 



3 Comes down 
L. C. 

8 Ferris puts 
wrap on chair 
U. L. C, looks 
at Falkner as 
she goes and 
exit C. Lady 
Jess, goes L. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



1 Crosses to her. 



1 Lady Jess looks 
hurt. 



Lady J. 

(Yawns.) Heigho! Shall we go into the bil- 
liard room? (Going.) 

Falkner. 
No. 1 How long do you mean to play with me? 

Lady J. 
Am I playing with you? 

Falkner. 

What else have you done the last three months ? 2 
My heart is yours to its last beat. My life is yours 
to its last moment. What are you going to do with 
me? 

Lady J. 

Ah, that's it! I'm sure I don't know. (Smiling 
at him.) What shall I do with you? 

Falkner. 

Love me! love me! love me! 

Lady J. 

You are very foolish! 

Falkner. 

Foolish to love you? 

Lady J. 

No; not foolish to love me. I like you for that. 
But foolish to love me so foolishly. Foolish to be al- 
ways wanting to play Romeo, when I only want to 
play Juliet sometimes. 

Falkner. 
Sometimes ? When ? 
38 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



1 Crosses in front 
of chair down 



2 About to clasp 
her. 



Lady J. 
When I am foolish too — on a Monday evening. 1 
Falkner. 

Ah ! will you drive me mad ? Shall I tear you to 
pieces to find out if there is a heart somewhere 
within you ? 2 

Lady J. 

(Straggling.) Hush! some one coming. 

(Falkner releases her.) 

(Sir Christopher saunters in at back, smoking.) 

(Exit Lady Jessica.) 

Sir C. 3 

Drop it, Ned ! Drop it, my dear old boy ! You're 
going too far. 

Falkner. 4 
We won't discuss the matter, Kit. 
Sir C. 



Yes we will, Ned. George Nepean has been mak- 
ing a row, and I — well, I stroked him down. I said 
you were the soul of honour 

Falkner. 

You were right. I am the soul of honour. 

Sir C. 

And that you didn't mean anything by your atten- 
tions to Lady Jessica. 

Falkner. 

You were wrong. I do mean something. 

Sir C. 
Well, what? 

39 



8 B.C. 



*L. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



SC. 1 



Falkner. 

That's my business — and Lady Jessica's. 

Sir C. 

You forget — I introduced you here. 

Falkner. 

Thank you. You were very kind. (Going off.) 1 

Sir C. 

(Stopping him.) No, Ned; we'll have this out, 
here and now, please. 

Falkner. 2 

Very well, let's have it out, here and 



3 Crosses to R. C. 



• Crosses down L. 



Falkner crosses 
toR. 



(Angrily.) 
now! 

Sir C. 

( With great friendship. ) Come, old boy, there's 
no need for us to take this tone. Let's talk it over 
calmly, as old friends and men of the world. 

Falkner. 

Men of the world! If there is one beast in all 
the loathsome fauna of civilization that I hate and 
despite, it is a man of the world ! 3 Good heaven, 
what men ! what a world ! 

Sir C. 

Quite so, old fellow. It is a beastly bad world — 
a lying, selfish, treacherous world ! A rascally bad 
world every way. 4 But bad as it is, this old world 
hasn't lived all these thousands of years without get- 
ting a little common sense into its wicked old noddle 
— especially with regard to its love affairs. And, 
speaking as an average bad citizen of this black- 
guardly old world, I want to ask you, Ned Falkner, 
what the devil you mean by making love to a mar- 
40 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



ried woman, and what good or happiness you expect 
to get for yourself or her? Where does it lead? 
What's to be the end of it? 

Falkner. 

- I don't know — I don't care! I love her! 

Sir C. 

But, my good Ned, she's another man's wife. 

Falkner. 

She's married to a man who doesn't value her, 
doesn't understand her, is utterly unworthy of her. 

Sir C. 

All women are married to men who are utterly 
unworthy of them — bless 'em! All women are un- 
dervalued by their husbands — bless 'em! All wo- 
men are misunderstood — bless 'em again! 

Falkner. 1 

Oh, don't laugh it off like that. Look at that 
thick clown of a husband. They haven't a single 
idea, or thought, or taste in common. 

Sir C. 2 

That's her lookout before she married him. 

Falkner. 

But suppose she didn't know, didn't understand. 
Suppose experience comes too late ! 

Sir C. 

It generally does— in other things besides mar- 
riage ! 

Falkner. 

But doesn't it make your blood boil to see a wo- 
man sacrificed for life? 

4i 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Sir C. 

It does — my blood boils a hundred times a day. 
But marriages are made in heaven, and if once we 
set to work to repair celestial mistakes and indis- 
cretions, we shall have our hands full. Come down 
to brass tacks. What's going to be the end of 
this? 

Falkner. 

I don't know — I don't care ! I love her ! 

Sir C. 

You don't know ? I'll tell you. Let's go over all 
the possibilities of the case. (Ticking them off on 
his fingers. ) Possibility number one — you leave off 
loving her 



» Sits l. c 



Falkner. 



That's impossible. 1 



Sir C. 



Possibility number two — you can, one or the 
other, or both of you, die by natural means; but 
you're both confoundedly healthy, so I'm afraid 
there's no chance of that. Possibility number three 
— you can die together by poison, or steel, or cold 
Thames water. I wouldn't trust yon not to do a 
fool's trick of that sort ; but, thank God, she's got 
too much sense. By the way, Ned, I don't think she 
cares very much for you 



She will. 



Falkner. 



Sir C. 



Well, well, we shall see. Possibility number four 
— you can keep on dangling at her heels, and being 
made a fool of, without getting any — " forrarder." 
42 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



Falkner. 1 
Mine is not a physical passion. 
Sir C. 

(Looks at him for two moments.) Oh, that be 
hanged ! 

Falkner. 
I tell you it is not. 

Sir C. 
Well then, it ought to be. 

Falkner. 

(Very angrily.) Well then, it is! And say no 
more about it. What business is it of yours? 2 

Sir C. 

(Nonplussed.) Possibility number five — a liaison 
with her husband's connivance. Gilbert Nepean 
won't make a mari complaisant. Dismiss that possi- 
bility. 

Falkner. 
Dismiss them all. 3 

Sir C. 

Don't you wish you could? But you'll have to 
face one of them, Ned. Possibility number six — 
a secret liaison. That's nearly impossible in society. 
And do you know what it means ? It means in the 
end every inconvenience and disadvantage of mar- 
riage without any of its conveniences and advant- 
ages. It means endless discomfort, worry, and 
alarm. It means constant sneaking and subter- 
fuges of the paltriest, pettiest kind. What do you 
say to that, my soul of honour? 

Falkner. 

I love her. I shall not try to hide my love. 

43 



1 Rising, and 
crosses to Sir 
C, R. C. 



1 Turns up C. 



* Comes down C. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



>c i. 



Falkner snaps 
his fingers and 
crosses down E. 



Sir C. 

Oh, then, you want a scandal ! 1 You'll get it ! 
Have you thought what sort of a scandal it will he? 
Remember you've stuck )^ourself on a pedestal, and 
put a moral toga on. That's awkward. It wants 
such a lot of living up to. Gilbert Nepean is a 
nasty cuss and he'll make a nasty fuss. Possibility 
number seven, tableau one — Edward Falkner on his 
moral pedestal in a toga-esque attitude, honoured 
and idolized by the British public. (Striking a he- 
roic attitude.) Tableau two — a horrible scandal, a 
field day for Mrs. Grundy; Edward Falkner is 
dragged from his pedestal, his toga is torn to pieces, 
his splendid reputation is blown to the winds, and he 
is rolled in the mud under the feet of the British pub- 
lic who, six months ago, crowned him with garlands 
and shouted themselves hoarse in his praise. Are 
you prepared for that, my soul of honour? 



8 Crosses to L. C. 
Sir C. rises, 
Crosses to L. C. 



7th Call-Servant 
Beatrice. 



If it comes. 2 



Falkner. 



Sir C. 



(Shakes his head, makes a wry face, then pro- 
ceeds. ) * Possibility number eight. Last remaining 
possibility, only possible possibility — pull yourself 
together, pack up your traps, start to-morrow morn- 
ing for Africa or Kamtschatka, Jericho or Hong- 
Kong. I'll go with you. What do you say? 

Falkner. 
No. 

Sir C. 
No? 



Falkner. 

I wonder at you, Deering — I wonder at 
coming to lecture me on love and morality. 

44 



you 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



act I 



Ah, why? 



Sir C. 



Falkner. 



(With growing indignation.) I love a woman 
with the deepest love of my heart, with the purest 
worship of my soul. If that isn't moral, if that isn't 
sacred, if that isn't righteous, tell me, in heaven's 
name, what is ? * And you come to lecture me with 
your cut and dried worldly-wise philosophy, your 
mean little maxims, you come to lecture me on love 
and morality — you! 2 

Sir C. 

Yes, I do! I may have had my attachments, I 
may have done this, that, and the other. I'm not a 
hero, I'm not on a pedestal, I never put on a moral 
toga. But I owe no woman a sigh or a sixpence. 
I've never wronged any man's sister, or daughter, 
or wife. And I tell you this, Ned Falkner, you're 
a fool if you think that anything can come of this 
passion of yours for Lady Jessica, except misery 
and ruin for her, embarrassment and disgrace for 
you, and kicking out of decent society for both of 
you. 3 

Falkner. 

(Very firmly.) Very well. And will you please 
be the first to cut me. Or shall I cut you ? 

Sir C. 

You mean that, Ned ? 



Falkner. 

Yes; if I'm a fool, leave me to my folly. 
strongly.) Don't meddle with me. 4 

45 



(Very 



1 Turns up C. % 
and down 
again. 



2 Crosses down 
L. 



9 Sir C. crosses to 
R. C. Falkner 
crosses to C. 



« Sits L. C. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Sir C. 

You do mean that, Ned? Our friendship is to 
end? 

Falkner. 
Yes. 1 

Sir C. 

Very well. 2 You'll understand some day, Ned, 
that I couldn't see an old comrade, a man who stood 
shoulder to shoulder with me all these years — you'll 
understand I couldn't see him fling- away 
happiness, reputation, future, everything", 
saying one word and trying to pull him up. 
bye, old chap. (Going off.) 3 

(Falkner springs up generously, goes 
warmly, holding out both hands.) 



Takes paper. 



* Goes rip C. 
turns, comes 
back to Falk- 
ner behind 
him. 



»C. 



* Crosses doum R, 



honour, 

without 

Good- 

to him 



Falkner. 



(Cries out.) Kit! 



Ned! 



Sir C. 



(The two men stand with hands clasped for some 
time, then Falkner speaks in a soft, low, broken 
voice. 

Falkner. 

I love her, Kit — you don't know how much. 
When I see her, that turn of her head, that little 
toss of her curls, the little roguish face she makes — 
God couldn't make her like that and then blame a 
man for loving her! If He did — well, right or 
wrong, I'd rather miss heaven than one smile, one 
nod, one touch of her finger-tips ! 4 

Sir C. 

Oh, my poor dear old fellow, if you're as far 
46 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



gone as that, what the deuce am I to do with 
vou? 



(Enter 1 Beatrice Ebernoe, a tall, dark woman, 
about thirty, very beautiful and spirituelle.) 

Bea. 

Ned, here's a messenger from the Colonial Office 
with a very urgent letter for you. 

Falkner. 

For me ? 

(Enter Servant 2 bringing letter to Falkner.) 

Serv. 

Important, sir. The messenger is waiting in the 
hall for your answer. 

Falkner. 

(Taking letter.) Very well, I'll come to him. 

(Exit Servant.) 3 

Falkner. 

(Reading letter.) More trouble out there. They 
want me to go out at once and negotiate. They 
think I could win over the chiefs and save a lot of 
bloodshed. 

Sir C. 
You'll go, Ned? 

Falkner. 
I don't know. 

Sir C. 
(To Beatrice.) Help me to persuade him. 
Bea. 

Can I? Have I any influence? 4 Ned, for the 
sake of old days 

47 



1 L. Crosses to 
Falkner. 



*L. 



8 L. Beatrice 
talks to Sir C, 
C. 



* Crosses to Falk- 
»ier, puts her 
hand on his 
shoulder. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



sc. i 



*L. 



Falkner. 

Ah, no — let me be — I must think this over. 

(Exit with distracted manner.) 1 

Bea. 

Have you spoken to him? 

Sir C. 

Yes ; I gave him a thorough good slanging. Not 
a bit of use. When one of you holds us by a single 
hair, not all the king's horses and all the king's men 
can drag us back to that beggarly dusty old tow- 
path of duty. 

Bea. 

I won't believe men are so weak. 

Sir C. 
Aren't we? There never was so sensible a man 
as I am in the management of other men's love 
affairs. You should have heard me lecture Ned. 
But once put me near you, and I'm every bit as bad 
as that poor fool I've been basting ! * 

(Indicating Falkner by inclination of the head 
towards the direction he has gone.) 

Bea. 
Oh, no, Kit, I won't have you say that. 

Sir C. 
But I am. 2 How beautifully you played just 
now. 

Bea. 
Did I? 

Sir C. 
Don't do it again. 

Bea. 
Why not? 

48 



* 8th call. 
Jess. 



Lady 



* Putting R. foot 
on stool B. C. 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



Sir C. 

It's taking an unfair advantage of me. You 
oughtn't to rouse those divine feelings in a man's 
heart. You oughtn't to make me feel like a martyr, 
or a king, or a saint in a cathedral window, with all 
heaven's sunlight streaming through me! You 
oughtn't to do it! Because devil a ha'porth of a 
king, or a martyr, or a saint is there in me — and 
after you've been playing to me and lifted me into 
that seventh heaven of yours, I feel so mean and 
shabby when I drop down to earth again, and find 
myself a hard, selfish man of the world. 

Bea. 
Oh, I think there's a great deal of the martyr and 
saint and king in you. 

Sir C. 

Do you ? I believe there is ! I know there would 
be if you'd only screw me up to it — and keep me 
screwed up. Beatrice, there's nothing I couldn't do 
if you would only 

Bea. 
(Going away from him.) Kit, you mustn't speak 



of this again. I can't quite forget. 1 

Sir C. 
There's no need. While he was alive I never had 
one disloyal thought towards him. Now he's dead ; 
who could be so fitted to take care of his dearest 
treasure as his oldest friend? 

Bea. 
(Going away.) I can't quite forget. 

Sir C. 
But you're young. What do you mean to do 
with your life? 

49 



1 Cross down Z. 
Sir C. follows 
her. 



ACT I 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Bea. 

I'd some thoughts of entering a sisterhood. 

Sir C. 

Ah, no! Surely there are plenty of dear good 
ugly women in the world who can do that. 

Bea. 

But I must enjoy the luxury of self-sacrifice. Tell 
me how I can drink the deepest of that cup. 

Sir C. 

Marry me. I'll give you the most splendid oppor- 
tunities. Now, if you and I were to join our forces, 
and take our poor Ned in hand, and * 

Bea. 
Hush! 

(Falkner re-enters, 1 evidently very much dis- 
tracted. ) 

Sir C. 

{After a little pause, goes up to him.) Well, 
Ned, what are you going to do? 

Falkner. 

{In an agony of indecision.) I don't know! I 
don't know! 

Sir C. 
You'll go, Ned? I'll go with you! 

{Enter Lady Jessica at back.) 2 
Bea. 
You'll go, Ned? 

Lady J. 
Go? Where? 

50 



Curtain Warn- 
ing. 



1 L. Crosses to 
B. reading 
letter. 



* C. from L. 
Beatrice 
crosses to Falk- 
ner. When 
Lady Jessica 
speaks, Falk- 
ner'' s face 
changes from 
indecision to 
decision. 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT I 



Falkner. 1 

Nowhere. I shan't go, Kit. The man's waiting. 
I must give him my answer. 

'(Exit l. Lady Jessica looks after him. Sir Chris- 
topher shrugs his shoulders at Beatrice.) 

Sir C. 2 

Not all the king's horses, nor all the King's men. 

Curtain. 



[( Time — 3 8 minu tes. )] 



Crosses to L. 



1 Crosses to L. 




b 



* 1st call. Falk- 
ner y Waiter 
(2 menus). 
Lady Jessica 
{stylo, pen.) 



1 Waiter back of 
table, laying 
things. Falk- 
ner seated L. C. 



ACT II. 

Scene : — Private sitting-room in the Star and Gar- 
ter, Shepperford-on-Thames, a room in a small 
high-class riverside hotel, furnished in the usual 
incongruous hotel fashion. Large French win- 
dows both right and left take up a good part of 
the back of the stage, and open upon a veranda 
which runs along outside. The pillars and roof of 
the veranda are smothered with trails of flowers 
and creeping plants. Beyond the veranda and 
very near to it is the Thames with opposite bank. 
Door down stage right. A sofa down stage right. 
A sideboard left. On the sideboard, plates, 
knives, forks, etc., dishes of fine peaches, grapes 
and strawberries, and a bottle each of hock, claret 
and champagne, as described in the text. A small 
table with writing materials at back between win- 
dows. A small table with white cloth laid, down 
stage, a little to the left of centre. A fireplace 
down stage left. 

(Discover Falkner in evening dress and French 
Waiter.) 



Falkner. 1 



Creme a La Reine. 
before the soup. 



We might have some trifle 



Waiter. 
Anchovy salad? Caviare? 

52 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT II 



Falkner. 
Caviare. 

Waiter. 1 

Bien, M'sieu. At what hour will m'sieu dine? 
Falkner. 



I don't know; I'm not sure that my friend will 
come at all. But tell the cook to have everything 
prepared, so that we can have dinner very soon after 
my friend arrives. 

Waiter. 
Bien, m'sieu. 

Falkner. 

(Reading menu.) Caviare. Creme a la Reine. 
Rouget a l'ltalienne. Whitebait. Petites Timbales 
a la Lucullus. Mousse de Foies Gras en Belle Vue. 
Is your cook equal to those entrees? 

Waiter. 

Oh, sir, he is equal to anything. Trust to me, 
sir. The cook shall be magnifique. The dinner shall 
be magnifique. 

Falkner. 

(Continuing.) Poulardes poelees, sauce Arcadi- 
enne. Selle de Mouton. Ortolans. Salade. As- 
perges en Branches. Pouding Mousseline, sauce 
Eglantine. Souffle Glace a 1' Ananas. Dessert. 
(Waiter points to the dessert on the sideboard.) 
And the wines? 

Waiter. 

(Pointing to the wines on the sideboard.) Ayala, 
seventy-five. Johannesburg, sixty-eight. Chateau 
Haut-Brion, seventy-five. I have brought them 
from London myself. 2 
here. 



We have not these vintages 



1 Writing on 
menu he has in 
his waistcoat. 



2 Crosses to R. 



53 



ACT II 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



»#. 



*R. 



Falkner. 
Good. 

Waiter. 

It is but one friend that m'sieu expect ? 

Falkner. 
Only one friend. 

Waiter. 
Bien, m'sieu. 

(Exit.) 1 

(Falkner alone walks restlessly about the room 
for a few seconds, comes down; is arrested by 
something he hears outside the door, shows great 
delight. ) 

(Re-enter Waiter.) 2 
Waiter. 

A lady; she say will Mr. Falkner please to see 
her? She have lost (coughing) her way. 

Falkner. 

Show her in. 3 

(Falkner alone walks eagerly about room for 
a few seconds; his manner very eager and im- 
patient and quite different from what it had been, 
before. 

(Re-enter Waiter, 4 showing in Lady Jessica most 
charmingly and coquettishly dressed in summer 
outdoor clothes. She comes in rather tempestu- 
ously, speaking as she enters, and going up to 
Falkner. 

Lady J. 

(All in a breath.) Oh, my dear Mr. Falkner, I've 
been staying with my cousin, and I was walking to 
the station, and by some unlucky chance I must 

54 



8 Waiter opens 
door B. 



«i?. 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT II 



have taken the wrong turning, for instead of finding 
myself at the station, I found myself here; and as 
I'm very hungry, would you think it very dreadful 
if I asked you to give me just a mere mouthful of 
dinner ? 

Falkner. 

{Intensely calm loiv voice.) I'm delighted. {To 
Waiter.) Will you let us have dinner as soon as it 
is ready? 

Waiter. 



In half an hour, sir. 1 And the friend, sir? 

Falkner. 
The friend? 

Waiter. 

The friend that m'sieu expect — the friend of the 
dinner ? 

Falkner. 

Oh, yes — if he comes, show him in. 

Lady J. 

{Alarmed.) You don't expect 

Falkner. 

{Glancing at Waiter.) Hush! 

Waiter. 

{Absolutely impassive face.) Bien, m'sieu! 
{Exit.) 2 

Falkner. 

I'm so glad you've come. Look. {Holding out 
his hand.) I'm trembling with delight. I knew 
you would be here. 

Lady J. 
I'm sure you didn't, for I didn't know myself 

55 



1 Goes to door, 
then returns. 



ACT II 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



1 Lady Jess sits 
on sofa J?., 
puts her gloves 
on head of 
sofa. Falkner 
gets menu from 
table L. C. 



two hours ago. It was only by chance that I 
happened to take the wrong turning. 

Falkner. 

No; the right turning. And not by chance. It 
was not chance that brought you to me. 

Lady J. 

Oh, please, not that strain. I can't play up to it. 
Sit down and let us discuss something mundane — 
say dinner. 1 

Falkner. 

(Giving her the menu.) I hope you'll like what 
I've ordered. I sent the waiter up to London for 
some of the dishes and the wines. 

Lady J. 

(Takes menu, looks at it, shows symptoms of 
great mock terror.) What? You surely don't 
expect my poor little appetite to stand up to this 
dinner. Oh, let me be a warning to all, never to 
take the wrong turning when it may lead to a menu 
like this. 

Falkner. 

That's for your choice. You don't suppose I'd 
offer you anything but the very best. 2 

Lady J. 

Yes, but a little of the very best is all I want ; not 

all of it. 

Falkner. 

Take all of it that I can set before you. 

Lady J. 

Oh, but think — there may be other deserving 
ladies in the world. 

56 



8 Sits beside her. 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT II 



Falkner. 

There is but you. 

Lady J. 

(Looks at him very much amused.) And I came 
here to cure you of this folly. Ah, me! (Reading 
the menu.) Mousse de Foies Gras. Poulardes 
poelees, sauce Arcadienne — what is sauce Arcadi- 
enne? 

Falkner. 

I don't know. Love is the sauce of life. Perhaps 
it's that. 1 

Lady J. 

Yes, but don't dish it up too often or too strong. 
It's sure to be wasted. 

Falkner. 

My love for you is not wasted. 2 

Lady J. 
No? 

Falkner. 

You'll return it. You'll love me at last. 

Lady J. 

Shall I? Creme a la Reine. Roguet a l'ltali- 
enne. And if I did what then? 

Falkner. 3 

Join your life to mine. Come to Africa with me. 

Lady J. 

(Shakes her head.) Impossible! We should 
only shock the British public. They wouldn't under- 
stand us. Ortolans. Salade. Asperges en Branches 
Besides, what would everybody say? 

57 



1 About to take 
her hand. 
Lady Jess 
rises, crosses to 
L.C. 



3 Rising, crosses 
toC. 



3 Going to her. 



ACT II 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Falkner. 

We shouldn't hear them. 

Lady J. 

No; but they'd be talking all the same. Ha, ha! 
They'd call us the eloping philanthropists. 

Falkner. 

Would that matter? 

Lady J. 

Oh, yes. A philanthropist may not elope. A 
tenor may. Doesn't it show the terrible irony there 
is in the heart of things, that the best meaning phil- 
anthropist in the world may not elope with his neigh- 
bour's wife? Pouding Mousseline, sauce Eglantine. 
What makes you so eager to go hunting slave-trad- 
ers in Africa ? x 

Falkner. 

My father spent half his fortune putting slavery 
down. My grandfather spent half his life and died 
a pauper for the same cause. 

Lady J. 

Well then, you should send a subscription to the 
Aborigines' Protection Society. That is how I keep 
up our family traditions. 



Sits l. c. 



Falkner. 



How? 



Lady J. 

My father had a shocking reputation, and my 
grandfather, Beau Lilly white — Oh! ( Shrug.) So 
I follow in their footsteps— at a respectful distance. 
I flirt with you. Souffle Glace a 1' Ananas. There's 
no flirting in Central Africa, I suppose? 
58 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT II 



Falkner. 

No flirting-. Only heat and hunger and thirst, 
and helpless misery prolonged to a horrible death. 

Lady J. 

(Genuinely moved.) Oh, I'm so sorry! Don't 
think me heartless about that. Perhaps if I had 
lived amongst it as you have 



Falkner. 1 

Ah, if you had! you'd do as I ask you. You'd 
give all your heart to me, you'd give all your wo- 
man's care and tenderness to them, and you'd never 
Jiear one whisper of what people said of you. 

Lady J. 

(Looking at him with real admiration.) How 
earnest you are ! How devoted ! * 

(Enter Waiter 2 with knives and forks; he goes to 
table and begins laying it.) 3 

Lady J. 

(To waiter.) What is sauce Arcadienne? 

Waiter. 

Pardon ! The cook is splendid. He is magnifique 
— but he has (gesture) renversee the sauce Arcadi- 
enne all over the shop.f 

Falkner. 
It doesn't matter. 

Lady J. 
Oh, I had set my heart on sauce Arcadienne. 

Falkner. 

The cook must make some more sauce Arcadi- 
enne. 

59 



Going close to 
her. 



* 2nd call. 
George. 

8 Falkner crosses 
to R. C. 



t Warning 
Organ. 



ACT II 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



Waiter. 
Ah, that is impossible till the middle of the night. 

Lady J. 

Ah, what a pity ! It is the one thing I long for, 
sauce Arcadienne. 

Falkner. 
Why? 

Lady J. 
Because I don't know what it is. 

Waiter. 
He will give you some sauce Marguerite. 

Lady J. 
What is sauce Marguerite? 

Waiter. 

(All the while laying table.) Ah, it is delicieuse. 
It is the very best sauce that is in all the world. 



1 Puts menu on 
table. 

* A barrel organ 
strikes up out- 
side. 

1 Goes up L. 



• Waiter crosses 
B.C. 



«*. 



Lady J. 
Va pour la sauce Marguerite ! 1 Oh, this dinner ! * 

Waiter. 2 
Ah, there is the beast of the organ man. 

Lady J. 

No, let him be. I like music 3 — and monkeys. 
(To Falkner.) Tell them to make haste. 

Falkner. 
Hurry the dinner. 

Waiter. 
Bien! 

(Exit.) 4 
60 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT II 



1 Leans against 
chair L. C. , 
facing Falk- 
ner. 



Lady J. 

(Taking out watch.) Half -past seven, I've not an 
hour to stay. 1 

Falkner. 
Yes, your life if you will. 
Lady J. 

Ah, no! You must be sensible. Think! what 
could come of it if I did love you? I should only 
break your heart or — what would be far worse — 
break my own. 

Falkner. 

Break it then — or let me break it. It's better to 
feel, it's better to suffer, than to be meanly happy. 
I love you, but I'd rather smother you in tears and 
blood than you should go on living this poor little 
heartless, withered life, choked up with all this dry 
society dust. Oh, can't I make you feel? Can't I 
make you live ? Can't I make you love me ? 

Lady J. 

(After a moment's pause, looking at him with 
great admiration.) Perhaps I do in my heart of 
hearts ! 

Falkner. 

Ah! 

(Springs to seize her; she struggles with him.) 

Lady J. 

Mr. Falkner ! Mr. Falkner ! If you please. Do 
you hear? Mr. Falkner! (Tears herself free.) 
Will you please go and stop that horrid organ? 2 
Will you, please? 

(Falkner bows, exit at door? Lady Jessica pant- 
ing, Hurried, out of breath, goes up to the window 

61 



* Falkner makes 
a movement 
towards her. 



* R. I. E. 



ACT II 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



*R. C. 



* Comes to her 
and shakes 
hands. 



fanning herself with handkerchief, passes on to 
veranda, stays there for a few moments fanning 
herself, suddenly starts back alarmed, comes into 
room, stands frightened, listening. George 
Nepean appears on veranda, comes up to win- 
dow, looks in.) 

Lady J. 1 
{Trying to appear indifferent.) Ah, George! 

George. 

I thought I caught sight of you. May I come in ? 

Lady J. 
Certainly. 

George. 

{Entering.) I'm not intruding? 2 

Lady J. 

Intruding? Oh, no. Have you heard from Gil- 
bert? 

George. 

Yes, I had a letter this morning. He may be back 
in two or three days. 

Lady J. 

{Embarrassed. ) Yes ? 

{A pause* The organ outside stops in the middle 
of a bar. ) 

George. 
{Glancing at table. You're dining here ? 3 

Lady J. 
Yes; just a small party. What brings you here? 
George, f 

I was going on to some friends at Hersham. I 

62 



Stop Organ. 



s Crosses to fire- 
place, throws 
cigarette 
away. 



t 3rd call. Lady 
Rosamund. 
Freddie. 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT II 



was waiting for the ferry when I caught sight of 
you. (Glancing at table and sideboard.) You're 
giving your friends rather a good dinner. 

Lady J. 

H'm, rather. I've heard the cooking's very good 
here. (A little pause.) There's a nest of cygnets 
outside. Have you seen them ? 

George. 
No. 

Lady J. 

Do come and look at them; they are so pretty. 

(Going off at zvindow followed by George when 
Falkner enters at door. The two men look at 
each other. Lady Jessica shows very great con- 
fusion and embarrassment. A long awkward 
pause. George looks very significantly at the 
sideboard and table.) 

George. 



'(To Lady Jessica.) 
You understand ? 



Gilbert must know of this. 



(Bows. Exit by window and veranda.) 1 

Lady J. 

(Who has stood very frightened and confused.) 
Did you hear ? 2 What can I do ? What can I do ? 

Falkner. 

(Calm, almost triumphant.) You must join your 
life to mine now. 

Lady J. 

No, no! If you wish me ever to have one kind 
thought of you, get me out of this ! Do something, 
find somebody to dine with us. Understand me, I 

63 



l L. 



8 Crosses dozen 1*. 



ACT II 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Crosses down 
JR., turns, sits 
on sofa, looks 
after George. 



know myself, if this leads to a scandal, I shall hate 
you in a week. 1 Oh, do something! do something! 

Falkner. 

Be calm. Be sure I'll do all I can to save you 
from a scandal. If that is impossible, be sure I'll do 
all I can to protect you from it. 

Lady J. 

Ah, no! Save me from it. I can't face it. I 
can't give up my world, my friends. 2 Oh, what can 
I do? I'll go back to town 



* Rises, crosses 
L.C. 



* Places chair 
L. C. 

* Sits L. a 



• Crosses to R. 



•Rises. 



1L.C. 



Falkner. 

What good will that do ? You had far better stay 
now. 3 Sit down, be calm. Trust to me. 

Lady J. 4 
Oh, you are good, and I'm such a coward. 

Falkner. 
Let us think what is the best thing to do. 5 

Lady J. 
Can't we get somebody to dine with us? 

Lady R. 
(Heard outside.) Oh, can't you wait, Freddie? 

Lady J. 6 

(Looking off. ) Hark ! Rosy ! ( Goes up to win- 
dow.) 7 

Freddie. 

(Heard off.) What ! Row two more miles with- 
out a drink? 

Lady J. 

She's there in a boat with Freddie and another 
man. The men are landing. If we could only get 
64 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT II 



them to stay and dine with us ! We must ! x Go 
and find George Nepean and bring him back here. 
Make haste. When you come back, I'll have Rosy 
here. 

Falkner 

In any case rely on me. I'm as firm as the earth 
beneath you. 

(Exit.) 2 

Lady J. 

(Goes up to window.)^ Rosy! Rosy! Come 
here ! Yes, through there. Shush ! 

(Lady Rosamund appears in the veranda.) 

Lady R. 

Jess! What's the matter? (Entering room.) 

Lady J. 

Everything. You and Freddie must stay and dine 
here. 4 

Lady R. 

We can't, we're going on to dine with Mrs. Cres- 
pin at her new place, and we've got Jack Symons 
with us. 

Lady J. 

Va pour Jack Symons, whoever he may be ! He 
must stay and dine too! 

Lady R. 

Impossible. Mrs. Crespin has asked some people 
to meet us. As her place is on the river Jack pro- 
posed we should row down and dress there. 5 What 
are you doing here? I thought you were at Bar- 
bara's. 

65 



* Coming down a 
little. Falkner 
goes to her. 



*R. 



3 Jess at window 
waves hand- 
kerchief to at- 
tract LadyRSs 
attention ; 
very impatient 
at not being 
able to do so. 



* Lady R. enters 
R. C. The two 
come down C. 



• Looks round 
the room. 



ACT II 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



* Goes to Jess. 



Lady J. 

I was going back to town to-night. I thought I'd 
walk to the station — it's so delightful across the 
fields. Well, you know the path, I went on all right 
till I came to those two turnings, and then — I must 
have taken the wrong one, for, instead of finding 
myself at the station, I found myself here. 

Lady R. 
Well? 

Lady J. 

I'd been wandering about for over an hour, I was 
very hungry; I remembered Mr. Falkner was stay- 
ing here ; so I came in and asked him to give me 
some dinner. 

Lady R. 1 

It was very foolish of you ! 

Lady J. 

Yes, especially as George Nepean was waiting for 
the ferry and caught sight of me on the veranda. 

Lady R. 
George Nepean! 

Lady J. 

He came in, saw Mr. Falkner, put a totally wrong 
construction on it all, and threatened to let Gilbert 
know. 

Lady R. 

How could you be so imprudent, Jess ? t You must 
have known that 

Lady J. 

Oh, don't stand there rowing me. Help me out 
of this and I promise you I won't get into another. 
66 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT II 



Lady R. 

Why didn't you explain to George how it hap- 
pened ? 

Lady J. 

So I would. Only when he came in I was alone. 
I felt sure he would put a wrong construction on it, 
so I told him I was dining here with a little party * 
— then Mr. Falkner came in, and I was too confused 
to say anything. Besides, I couldn't very well tell 
him the truth, because 



Lady R. 

Because what ? 

Lady J. 

Well, it's very curious, but the last time I was 
staying with Barbara the very same thing happened. 

Lady R. 
What? 

Lady J. 

I was walking to the station, and I must have 
taken the wrong turning, for, instead of finding my- 
self at the station, I found myself here. 

Lady R. 



What, twice? 



Yes. 



Oh, impossible ! 



Lady J. 
Lady R. 



Lady J. 
No, it isn't ; for it actually happened. 

Lady R. 
Do you mean to tell me that you 

6; 



1 Lady R. moves 
down R. 



ACT II 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Lady J. 

(Taking her up on the " tell") Yes, I do. The 
sign-post is most deceptive. 

Lady R. 

It must be. 

Lady J. 

But the other time it was really a mistake, and I 
dined here all alone. 

Lady R. 
Honour? * 

Lady J. 
Really, really honour ! 

Lady R. 



1 Goes to her, 
turns her 
round. 



* Window on L. 
C, conies down 
L. C. 



* R. C. 



* Shakes hands. 



I cannot imagine how you, a woman of the 
world 

Lady J. 

Oh, do not nag me. Mr. Falkner has gone for 
George. You must stay here and tell George you 
are dining with me. 

Lady R. 

What about Freddie and Jack? See if they've 
come back to the boat. 

Lady J. 

(Looking off at window.) 2 Not yet. Here's Mr. 
Falkner — alone. 

(Re-enter Falkner at window.) 3 

Well, where is he ? 

Falkner. 4 

(To Lady Rosamund.) How d'ye do? (To 
68 






SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT II 



Lady Jessica.) He took a fly that was waiting 
outside and drove to the post-office. I went there 
and made inquiries. He stopped, sent off a tele- 
gram 

Lady J. 

That must have been to Gilbert. 

Falkner 

Then he drove off towards Staines. Shall I fol- 
low him? 

Lady J. 

Yes. No. What's the use? He may be any- 
where by this. 

Lady R. 
Besides we can't stay to dinner. 1 

Lady J. 

You must — you must ! I must be able to tell Gil- 
bert that somebody dined with me. 

Lady R. 

Jess, I'll write to George when I get back to- 
night, and tell him that I dined with you here. 2 

Lady J. 

Oh, you good creature! No! Write now, on 
the hotel paper. Then he'll see you were actually 



here. 

Lady R. 
Pens, ink, and paper. 3 

Falkner. 

(At table up stage. ) Here ! 

(Lady Rosamund.) 4 
6 9 



1 Falkner goes up 
to window L. C. 



8 Crosses to Jess. 
They kiss. 



8 Taking her 
gloves. 



* up r. a 



ACT II 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



Lady J. 
Rosy, I've got a better plan than that. 

Lady R. 
What? 

Lady J. 
Could you be in town to-morrow morning? 

Lady R. 

Yes — why ? 

Lady J. 

Write to George to call on you there. I'll drop in 
a little before he comes. Then we can see what 
frame of mind he is in, and explain things accord- 
ingly. 1 We can manage him so much better be- 
tween us. 



* Very delighted 
at the idea. 



* Sits at table 
B.C. 



9 R. 1. E. Lady 
Jess goes up 

l. a 



Lady R. 

Very well, make haste. 2 Mr. Falkner, will you 
go into the bar, run up against my husband and 
his friend, and keep them busy there till I get back 
into the boat? 



Falkner. 



.Very well. 



(Exit.y 

Lady R. 
Now, what shall I say? 

Lady J. 
{Dictating.) " My dear George " • 

Lady R. 

( Writing. ) " My dear George " — Oh, this pen ! 
(Throws away the pen, takes up another, tries it.) 
70 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT II 



Lady J. 

We must make it very short and casual as if you 
didn't attach much importance to it. 

Lady R. 

(Throws away second pen.) That's as bad! 

Lady J. 

(Taking out a gold stylograph, giving it to Lady 
Rosamund.) Here's my stylograph. Take care of 
it. It was a birthday present. 

Lady R. 

" Monday evening. My dear George " 

(Dictating.) " Jess has told me that you have 
just been here and that you were surprised at her 
presence. She fears you may have put a wrong 
construction on what you saw. She was too flurried 
at the moment to explain. But if you will call on 
me to-morrow morning, at Cadogan Gardens at " — 
what time will suit you? 



Lady R. 



Twelve ? 



Lady J. 
Yes, and I'll be there a few minutes before.* 
Lady R. 



( Writing. ) 



" Twelve." 

Lady J. 



(Dictating.) " I will give you a full explanation. 
You will then see how very simple the whole affair 
was, and how little cause you had for your sus- 
picions of her." That will do, won't it? 

7i 



hth call. 
Waiter, 
Ferris. 



ACT II 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Lady R. 

Yes, I think. " Yours sincerely "—no, " Yours 
affectionately, Rosy." 

Lady J. 

" P.S. You had perhaps better say nothing- about 
this to Gilbert until after we have met. When you 
see how trifling- the matter is, you can tell Gilbert 
or not, as you please." 

Lady R. 

( Writing. ) " As you please. George Nepean, 
Esquire." What's his number? 

Lady J. 
Two-twenty. 

Lady R. 
( Writing. ) " Two-twenty, Sloane Street." 

Lady J. 
What about Freddie ? Shall we tell him ? 

Lady R. 

Oh, no ! I wouldn't trust my Freddie in a matter 
of this kind. He'd put a wrong construction on it 
— men always do. (Puts letter in envelope, seals 
it.) 

Lady J. 
But if George asks him? 

Lady R. 

Freddie won't come up to town to-morrow. 
We'll see how George takes it, and we'll keep Fred- 
die out of it, if we can. (She has risen, leaving 
stylograph on writing-table, where it remains. She 
seals letter.) Stamp? 
72 



sc. I THE LIARS 


ACT II 


Lady J. 




I've got one in my purse. 1 
Lady R. 


1 Takes letter- 
stamps it. 


(Has caught sight of the menu, has taken it up.) 
Jess, you'll go straight to the station now? 




Lady J. 




Yes, I'm awfully hungry 





Lady R. 

Yes, but I don't think this dinner would agree 
with you. (Puts the menu down significantly.) 

Lady J. 
Very well. But I am hungry. 

Lady R. 2 
And Jess, if I get you out of this — you won't take 
the wrong turning again ? 

Lady J. 



No ! no ! 
Honour ? 



Lady R. 



Lady J. 

Honour! Really honour! Rosy, you know this 
is only a silly freak — nothing more. 

Lady R. 
I may be sure of that, Jess ? Honour ? 

Lady J. 
Honour ! Really, really honour ! 

Lady R. 
(Kisses her.) I must be going. To-morrow ! 3 

Lady J. 
To-morrow at Cadogan Gardens, ten minutes to 
twelve. 

73 



2 Going to Lady 
Jess. 



9 Goes to loindoto 
R. C. Jess 
rings bell on 
fiatC. 



ACT II 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



a R. I. E. 



Lady R. 

{At window.) Those men are in the boat. My 
Freddie is looking for me. What shall I tell him? 

{Exit at window.) 1 

{Enter Waiter.) 2 

Lady J. 

{Giving letter.) Please get that posted at once. 

Waiter. 

{Taking letter.) Bien, madame. {Exit with let- 
ter.)* 

{Re-enter Falkner at window.)* 

Lady J. 
They've gone ? 5 

Falkner. 

Yes. What have you done? 6 

Lady J. 

Rosy has written to George to come and see her 
to-morrow morning at Cadogan Gardens. You had 
better come too. 

Falkner. 
At what time ? 

Lady J. 

Say a quarter to one. George will have gone by 
then and we can tell you if he accepts our explana- 
tion. 

Falkner. 

What is the explanation to be? 

Lady J. 7 

That Rosy and I were dining together here, that 
she hadn't arrived, that you happened to come into 

74 



8 R. I. E. 

*r. a 



* Coming down 
to chair L. C. 



6 Throws hat on 
chair R. 



T Ticking on her 
fingers. 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT II 



the room, and that George saw you and put a wrong 
construction on it. That will be all right, won't it ? 

Falkner. 

Yes — I daresay. I wish it had been possible to 
tell the truth. 

Lady J. 

The truth? What truth? Rosy was actually 
here, and she might have stayed and dined with me 
— only she didn't — and — well, if it isn't the truth, 
it's only a little one. 

Falkner. 

I think those things are all the same size. 

Lady J. 

Oh, please don't be disagreeable, just at our last 
moment too. 

Falkner. 

Our last moment ! Ah, no, no, no ! {Approach- 
ing her.) 

Lady J. 

Ah, yes, yes, yes! I promised Rosy I'd go 
straight to the station 



Falkner. 

There's no train till eight fifty. 1 What harm can 
there be in your staying to dinner now? 

Lady J. 

I promised Rosy I wouldn't. 2 I'm fearfully 
hungry 

{Enter Waiter 3 with letter on salver.) 

Waiter. 

{Advancing with letter on salver to Lady Jes- 
sica.) Pardon, is this letter for madame? 

75 



1 Falkner crosses 
to back of chair 
L. C, places it 
for her. 



* Picks up menu 



*R. 



ACT II 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



*r. 



Lady J. 

{Takes letter, shows fright.) Yes. Excuse me. 
Who brought it? {Opens letter, takes out tele- 
gram. ) 

Waiter. 

She is here in the passage. 

Lady J. 

{Opens telegram; shows great alarm. Calls.) 
Ferris. 

Ferris. 
{Coming to door.) Yes, my lady. 

Lady J. 
Come in. 

Waiter. 
Bien, madame. {Exit.) 1 

Lady J. 
When did this telegram come? 

Ferris. 

This afternoon, my lady. The moment I got in, 
Mr. Rawlins said to me, " Mr. Nepean is coming 
back to-night ; Fve just had a telegram from him to 
get his room ready. And I expect this telegram is 
for her ladyship," he said, and he gave me that tele- 
gram, and I said, " I expect it is." " What time will 
her ladyship be back to-night ? " he said. " I don't 
know," I said. " Where is her ladyship now ? " he 
said. " I don't know," I said.* 

Lady J. 
You didn't know ? 

Ferris. 
No, my lady. 

76 



* 5th Call Sir 
Christopher. 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT II 



Lady J. 

Then why did you come here ? 

Ferris. 

{Confused.) The other night when I was bring- 
ing your ladyship's shawl to the tent, I happened to 
hear you mention this hotel. 1 I didn't think any- 
thing of it, your ladyship, and I didn't in the least 
expect to find you here, I assure your ladyship. But 
I thought your ladyship w T ould like to be apprised 
that Mr. Nepean was coming home to-night, and so 
I came, as I may say by pure chance, my lady; just 
as you might have come yourself, my lady. 



Mr. Ne- 
He reaches Pad- 



Lady J. 

Quite right, Ferris. (To Falkner.) 
pean is coming home to-night, 
dington at ten. 

Ferris. 

I've got a cab outside, my lady, and I've looked 
out the trains. If we make haste, we can drive over 
to Walton and just catch a train there. But we 
haven't a moment to spare. 

Lady J. 
Come then. 2 

Ferris. 

I hope I've done right, my lady ? 

Lady J. 

Quite right, Ferris. No. Please don't trouble to 
come out, I'd rather you didn't. Rosy and I will 
dine with you some other night. (Exit Ferris.) 3 
Good-night. 

Falkner. 4 



And to-morrow? 



1 Lady Jess and 
Falkner ex- 
change looks. 



a Takes gloves 
from sofa. 



»i?. 



* Going to Lady 
Jess. 



77 



ACT II 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



Lady J. 

To-morrow? (Grimace.) Petits rows con jugals 
sauce tartare. 

(Exit at door.) 1 

(Enter Waiter with two little morsels of Caviare.) 2 

Falkner. 
What's that? 

Waiter. 

Caviare on toast, sir. 

Falkner. 
Hang the caviare. Bring in the soup. 

Waiter. 

Ah, it is not yet ready, two, three minutes. I 
am very sorry, but the cook say the sauce Margue- 
rite 

Falkner. 



1 Exit door R. 
Falkner goes to 
door, looks 
after her, 
slams it, kicks 
hassock sav- 
agely, goes up 
to jpindow L. C. 

2 Crosses to side- 
board L., puts 
tray down, and 
places caviare 
on table L. C. 



8 Picks up tray. 



Going off R. 



What about it ? 

Waiter. 
It will not be made. 

Falkner. 
Very well. 

Waiter. 
And the salade? 

Falkner. 

What about the salad? 

Waiter. 
Will m'sieu mix it ? 3 

Falkner. 
No; mix it yourself. 

Waiter. 
Bien, m'sieu. 4 

78 






SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT II 



Waiter! 
Sir! 1 



Falkner. 
Waiter. 



Falkner. 

(Pointing to the cover laid for Lady Jessica.) 
Take those confounded things away. 

Waiter. 
Sir! 

Falkner. 

Take those confounded things away; I'm going 
to dine alone. 

Waiter. 
Bien, m'sieu. 

( Takes up the things, the second cover, and the one 
plate of caviare, leaving the other on the table in 
Falkner's place. Is going off with them,) 

Falkner. 
Bring in the soup. 

Waiter. 
Bien, m'sieu. 

(Exit with things. 2 Sir Christopher's voice 
heard outside.) 

Sir C. 
Mr. Falkner? 

Waiter. 
Yes, sir. In number ten, sir, 

Sir C. 
Has he dined? 

Waiter. 
Not yet, sir. What name, sir? 

79 



Stops R. C. 



2 Leaving door 
open. 



ACT II 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



Sir. C. 
Oh never mind my name. Show me in. 

Waiter. 
(At door, announcing.) The friend of the din- 



»u. 



3 R. Sir C. goes 
C. Falkner is 
L.C. 



• Crosses to R. 
Sir C. throws 
hat on sofa R. 



ner. 

(Enter Sir Christopher in morning dress.) 1 

(Exit Waiter.) 2 

Sir. C. 

(Very cordially.) Ah, dear old boy, here you 
are. (Shaking hands cordially.) All alone? 

Falkner. 
( Very sulky. ) Yes. 

Sir. C. 
(Looking at table.) You haven't dined? 

Falkner. 
No. 

Sir. C. 

That's all right. I'll join you. What's the mat- 
ter? 

Falkner. 
Nothing. 

Sir. C. 
Nothing? 

Falkner. 



(Very sulky throughout.) No. What should 



be? 



You look upset. 



Sir. C. 



Falkner. 



Not at all. 3 



80 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT II 



Sir. C. 

That's all right. (Going up to table very raven- 
ously. ) I say, old chap, dinner won't be long, eh ? 

Falkner. 
No, why? 

Sir. C. 

I'm famished. I was over at Hounslow, I had no 
end of work to get through, so I stuck to it. I've 
had nothing but a biscuit and a glass of sherry since 
breakfast. I was going up to town for dinner, then 
I remembered you wrote to me from here; so I 
thought I'd run over on the chance of finding you. 
'And here you are. (Cordially.) Well, how are 



Falkner. 

Sir. C. 
And, and — old fellow — about 

Falkner. 



you? 

I'm very well. 

That's all right, 
the lady? 

What about her ? 

Sir. C. 

You're going to behave like a good true fellow 
and give her up, eh? 

Falkner. 
Yes, I suppose. 

Sir. C. 

That's all right. Love 'em, worship 'em, make 
the most of 'em ! Go down on your knees every day 
and thank God for having sent them into this dreary 
world for our good and comfort. But, don't break 
your heart over 'em! Don't ruin your career for 

81 



ACT II 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



'em ! Don't lose a night's rest for 'em ! They're not 
worth it — except one ! ( Very softly. ) 

Falkner. 

(Same sulky mood.) You're full of good ad- 
vice. 

Sir. C. 

It's the only thing I am full of. I say, old fel- 
low, could you hurry them up with the dinner? 

(Falkner goes and rings bell.) 

Sir. C. 

(Casually taking up the menu.) No, Ned; 
they're not worth it, bless their hearts. And the 
man who — (Suddenly stops, his face illuminated 
with delighted surprise.) Ned! 

Falkner. 
What? 1 

Sir. C 

(Pointing to menu.) This isn't the menu for to- 
night ? 

Falkner. 
Yes. 

Sir. C. 

(Incredulously.) No! Dear old fellow ! (Look- 
ing at him with great admiration.) Dear old fel- 
low! I say, Ned, you do yourself very well when 
you're all alone. 

Falkner. 
Why shouldn't I? 

Sir. C. 

Why shouldn't you? Why shouldn't you? 
(Perusing menu.) 

82 



* Warn. 
a Curtain. 
b Organ. 



1 Coming down 
B. C. 






SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT II 



Falkner. 

Why shouldn't I? Excuse me a moment. 

(Exit at door. Sir Christopher, left alone, reads 
over the menu, showing great satisfaction, then 
goes up to sideboard, takes up the bottles of wine, 
looks at them, shows great satisfaction, rubs his 
hands, brings down champagne, places it r. of 
table, ditto hock, places it l. of table, brings down 
claret, looks at brand, hugs it delightedly ; sits on 
table up c, puts claret down, picks up stylo, pen, 
reads inscription, coming down, then goes to win- 
dow l. c, looks off, gives a sigh, comes down, 
puts pen in waistcoat pocket. Enter Waiter.) 

Waiter. 

(Putting soup on table.) Mr. Falkner says will 
you please excuse him? He has gone to London 
just now, this minute. 

Sir C. 

Gone to London ! * 

Waiter. 

On very important business. He say will you 
please make yourself at home with the dinner? 2 

Sir C. 

(Puzzled.) Gone to London! What on earth 
— 3 (Resolutely and instantly takes seat at head of 
table. ) Serve up the dinner ! Sharp ! 

Waiter. 
Caviare on toast? 

Sir C. 

Oh, damn the caviare ! Open the champagne ! 

(Takes the morsel of caviare and throws it down] 

83 



1 Coming close to 
table L. C. 



* Takes lid of 
tureen, puts 
ladle in soup. 



3 Catches scent 
of soup, gives 
two good sniffs, 
becomes raven- 
ous. 



ACT II 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



his throat; helps himself to soup, peppers it vigor- 
ously, meantime Waiter opens champagne and 
pours out a glass. 

Sir C. 

The fish! Quick! and the entrees, bring them 
both up at the same time — bring up the whole bag 
of tricks!! 

(Sir Christopher throws spoonful after spoon- 
ful of soup down his throat. The organ outside 
strikes up in the middle of the bar at which it left 
off, a very rowdy street tune. 

Curtain. 



( Tim e — 24 minu tes. ) » 



84 






H 




- ACT III. 

Scene : Lady Rosamund's drawing-room, Cadogan 
Gardens, a very elegant modern apartment, fur- 
nished in good taste. Door at back. Door right. 
Large bow window forming an alcove up stage 
right. Fireplace left. Lady Rosamund dis- 
covered in out-door morning dress. Footman 
showing in Lady Jessica at back. 

Footman. {Announces.) 1 

Lady Jessica Nepean. {Exit Footman.) 2 

Lady R. 
Well, dear? 

Lady J. 

{Kisses Lady Rosamund very affectionately.) 
Oh, Rosy 

Lady R. 
What's the matter? 

Lady J. 

Directly you had gone Ferris came in with a tele- 
gram from Gilbert, saying he was coming home last- 
night. Of course I flew back to town. When I 
got there I found a later telegram saying he hadn't 
been able to finish his business, and that he would 
come back to-day. 

85 



* 1st call. Lady 
Rosamond, 
Footman, 
Freddie, 
Lady Jessica, 
(letter), Sir 
Christopher, 
(stylo, pen). 



1 L\ 

*L. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



sc I. 



Lady R. 

(Taking letter from pocket.) He reaches Pad- 
dington at twelve. 

Lady J. 

How do you know * 

Lady R. 
(Giving letter.) Read that. 

Lady J. 

(Looking at handwriting.) From George Ne- 
pean. 

Lady R. 

Yes. He came here an hour ago to see me, and 
left that note. I'm afraid George means to be very- 
horrid. 

Lady J. 

(Reading.) "Dear Lady Rosamund, I shall, of 
course, be quite ready to listen to any explanation 
you may have to offer. I will come back to Cadogan 
Gardens on my return from Paddington. I am 
now on my way there to meet Gilbert, who arrives 
from Devon at twelve. It is only fair to tell you 
that on leaving Lady Jessica last evening I tele- 
graphed him I had a most serious communication to 
make to him, 1 and that on his arrival I shall tell him 
exactly what I saw." George does mean to be hor- 
rid. (Retaining letter.) 

Lady R. 



1 Looks at Lady 
B. 



I cannot imagine how you- 



Lady J. 

Oh, do not preach. I tell you it was the sign- 
post. It is most deceptive. 
86 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



Lady R. 
It must be. The next time you come to that sign- 



post- 



Lady J. 



I shall know which turning to take ! You needn't 
fear. 

Lady R. 
My Freddie's in a small fever. 1 

Lady J. 
What about? 

Lady R. 
My coming up to town this morning. 

Lady J. 

You're sure he'll stay down there? He won't 
come up and — interfere? 

Lady R. 2 

Oh no, poor old dear ! I snubbed him thoroughly 
and left him grizzling in his tent, like Achilles. 
He'll stay there all day, fuming and trying to screw 
up his courage to have a tremendous row with me 
when I get back to dinner this evening. I know my 
Freddie so well ! 3 

(Freddie saunters in at back, half timid, half de- 
fiant.) 

{Looking at him with amused surprise.) Hillo, 
my friend! Hillo! 

Freddie. 

{Very severe and dignified, takes no notice of 
her.) How do, Jess? 4 

87 



1 Crosses down 
R. 



i Crosses to C. 



* Crosses down R. 



* Lady Jess, looks 
annoyed at 
Lady R. Lady 
Jess sits R. C. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



(Lady Jessica alternately reads George's letter 
and looks at Freddie.) 



1 Crossing to 
him. 



* Rising. 



Lady R. 1 
What has brought you to town? 

Freddie. 
I came up with a purpose. 

Lady R. 

Oh, don't say that. People are always so horrid 
who do things with a purpose. 

Freddie. 

I came up with Mrs. Crespin. She has lost the 
address of the cook that you gave her last evening. 
I told her you were in town. She will call here 
for it. 

Lady R. 
( Sweetly. ) Very well. 

Freddie. 
Do you intend to stay in, or go out this morning? 

Lady R. 

That depends. I may stay in — or I may go out. 
What are you going to do ? 

Freddie. 

That depends. I may stay in — or — I may go out. 

Lady R. 

Very well, dear, do as you please. I'll take the 
alternative. (To Lady Jessica.) Come and take 
your things off in my room. 

Lady J. 2 

(Glancing at Freddie.) But don't you think — ■ — 
88 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



Freddie. 1 

(With great dignity.) I have come up to town 
this morning, because for the future I intend to 
place everything in this house on a new basis, an 
entirely opposite basis from that on which it now 
stands. 

Lady R. 2 

You're going to turn all the furniture upside 
down! Oh, I wouldn't! 

Freddie. 

Hitherto I have been content to be a cipher in this 
establishment. I will be a cipher no longer. 

Lady R. 
No, I wouldn't Come along, Jess ! 3 

Lady J. 
But 



Lady R. 

We'll talk it over upstairs. Run away to your 
club, Freddie, and think over what figure you would 
like to be. I daresay we can arrange it. 

(Exit Lady Rosamund, r., taking off Lady Jes- 
sica, and closing the door rather sharply behind 
her.) 

Freddie. 

(Left alone, marches up to the door, calls out in 
a forcible-feeble scream.) I will not be a cipher! I 
will not be a cipher! (Comes to centre of stage, 
gesticulates, his lips moving, sits down very reso- 
lutely, and then says in a tone of solemn conviction) 
I will not be a cipher ! 4 

(Enter Footman announcing.)* 

8 9 



Folding his 
arms, and fac- 
ing Lady R. 
defiantly. 



Looking round 
room. 



9 Going to door. 
Lady Jess 
shows George's 
letter. 



« Sits R. C. 
■ L. Freddie 
rises. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Footman. 

Sir Christopher Deering! 

(Enter Sir Christopher.) 

(Exit Footman.) 

Sir C. 

(Shaking hands.) I've just come on from Lady 
Jessica's. They told me I should find her here. 

Freddie. 
She's upstairs with my wife. 

Sir C. 
Can I see her for a few minutes? 

Freddie. 

I don't know. Deering, old fellow, we're tiled 
in, aren't we? If I ask your advice 

Sir C. 
Certainly, Freddie. What is it ? 
Freddie. 

I've been married for seven years 

Sir C. 
Seven years is it? It doesn't seem so long. 
Freddie. 

Oh, doesn't it? Yes, it does. Rosy and I have 
never quite hit it off from the first. 

Sir C. 

No? How's that? 

Freddie. 

I don't know. When I want to do anything, she 
doesn't. When I want to go anywhere she won't. 
90 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



When I like anybody, she hates them. And when 
I hate anybody, she likes them. And — well — there 
it is in a nutshell. 

Sir C. 

Hum! I should humour her a little, Freddie — 
let her have her own way. Try kindness. 

Freddie. 

Kindness ? I tell you this, Deering, kindness is a 
grand mistake. And I made that grand mistake at 
starting. I began with riding her on the snaffle. I 
ought to have started on the curb, eh? 

Sir C. 

Well, there's something to be said for that method 
in some cases. Kindness won't do, you say ? Why 
not try firmness? 

Freddie. 
I have. 

Sir C. 
Well? 

Freddie. 

Well, firmness is all very well, but there's one 
great objection to firmness. 

Sir C. 

What's that? 

Freddie. 

It leads to such awful rows, and chronic rowing 
does upset me so. After about two days of it, I feel 
so seedy and shaky and nervous, 1 1 don't know what 
to do so. (Has a sudden wrathful outburst.) 2 And 
she comes up as smiling as ever ! 

Sir C. 

Poor old fellow ! 

9i 



1 Sits R. a 

2 Thumps tabid 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



Freddie. 
I say, Deering, what would you advise me to do? 

Sir C. 
Well, it requires some consideration 

Freddie. 

(With deep conviction.) You know, Deering, 
there must be some way of managing them. 

Sir C. 

One would think so. There must be some way 
of managing them! 

Freddie. 

(Has another wrathful outburst.) And I used to 
go and wait outside her window, night after night, 
for hours! What do you think of that? 

Sir C. 

I should say it was time very badly laid out. 

Freddie. 

(Pursuing his reminiscences.) Yes, and caught a 
chill on my liver and was laid up for six weeks. 

Sir C. 
Poor old fellow ! 

Freddie. 1 

I say, Deering, what would you do ? 

Sir C. 
Well — well — it requires some consideration. 

Freddie. 
(Walking about.) You know, Deering, I may be 



1 Rises. 



* Crosses to L. 



an ass- 



Sir C. 



Oh! 



92 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



1 Crosses to R. 



Freddie. 

(Firmly.) Yes. I may be an ass, but I'm not a 
silly ass. I may be a fool, but I'm not a d — ee — d 
fool ! Now there's something going on this morning 
between Rosamund and Jess. They're hobnobbing 
and whispering, and when two of 'em get to- 
gether 

Sir C. 

Oh, my dear fellow, when two women get to- 
gether, do you think it can ever be worth a man's 
while to ask what nonsense or mischief they're 
chattering? By the way, did you say that I could 
see Lady Jessica ? 

Freddie. 1 

She's upstairs with Rosy. I'll send her to you. 
Deering, if you were married, would you be a cipher 
in your own house ? 

Sir C. 

Not if I could help it. 2 

Freddie. 

{Very determinedly.) Neither will I. 

(Exit.)* 

(Sir Christopher, left alone, takes out the stylo- 
graph and looks at it carefully. In a few seconds 
enter Lady Jessica, r. As she enters he drops 
left hand which holds the stylograph.) 

Sir C. 
How d'ye do ? 4 

Lady J. 

How d'ye do? You wish to see me? 

(Sir Christopher presents the stylograph, Lady 
Jessica shows alarm.) 

93 



Taking off 
gloves. 



*R. 



* Shaking hand*. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



sc. r 



Sir C. 
I see from the inscription that this belongs to you. 

Lady J. 
(Taking stylograph.) Where did you find it? 

Sir C. 

In a private sitting-room at the Star and Garter 
at Shepperford. 

Lady J. 

I must have left it there some time ago. I could 
not imagine where I had lost it. Thank you so 
much. 

Sir C. 

Pray don't mention it. (An awkward pause.) 
Good morning. 1 

Lady J. 

Good morning. (Sir Christopher has got to 
door at back.) Sir Christopher — (Sir Christo- 
pher stops.) You were at Shepperford ? 2 

Sir C. 
Last evening. 

Lady J. 
Pretty little spot. 

Sir C. 
Charming. 

Lady J. 
And a very good hotel? 

Sir C. 
First class. Such splendid cooking! 

Lady J. 

The cooking's good, is it ? — oh, yes, I dined there 
once, some time ago. 
94 



* Moving up L. 



*Sir C. comes 
down C. 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



Sir C. 
I dined there last night. 

Lady J. 
Did you? At the table d'hote? 

Sir C. 
No, in a private sitting-room. Number ten. 

Lady J. 
With a friend, I suppose ? 

Sir C. 

No. All alone. 

Lady J. 
All alone ? In number ten ? 

Sir C. 
All alone. In number ten. 

Lady J. 
I suppose you — I suppose 

Sir C. 

Suppose nothing except that I had a remarkably 
good dinner, that I picked up that stylograph and 
brought it up to town with me last night. And there 
is an end of the whole matter, I assure you. Good 
morning. 1 

Lady J. 

Good morning. Sir Christopher— you— (Sir 

Christopher is again arrested at door.) you 

a 2 I may trust you ? 

Sir C. 

If I can help you — yes. 

95 



Going L. 



* Sir C. comes 
down C. R. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Lady J. 
Nothing — nothing is known about my being 



♦ 2nd call. Lady 
Rosamond. 
Freddie. 



there ? 



Your being there ? 



Sir C. 



(After a pause 
dined in number ten 



All alone? 



Lady J. 
embarrassed.) 

Sir C. 



I was to have 



Lady J. 

(Same embarrassed manner.) No — with Mr. 
Falkner. I was coming up to town from my 
cousin's. I started to walk to the station. I must 
have taken the wrong turning, for instead of find- 
ing myself at the station, I found myself at the Star 
and Garter. I was very hungry and I asked Mr. 
Falkner to give me a mere mouthful of dinner. 



Sir C. 



A mere mouthful. 



Lady J. 

And then George Nepean caught sight of me, 
came in, saw Mr. Falkner, and telegraphed my hus- 
band that I — of course Gilbert will believe the worst, 
and I — oh, I don't know what to do! 

Sir C. 

Can I be of any service ? * 

Lady J. 

How would you advise me to — to get out of it? 

9 6 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



Sir C. 

Let us go over the various possibilities of the case. 
There are only two. 

Lady J. 

What are they ? 

Sir C. 

Possibility number one — get out of it by telling 
fibs. 1 Possibility number two — get out of it by tell- 
ing the truth. 2 Why not possibility number two ? 

Lady J. 
Oh, I couldn't ! 

Sir C. 
Couldn't what? 

Lady J. 

Tell my husband that I was going to dine with 
Mr. Falkner. 

Sir C. 

But it was quite by accident ? 

Lady J. 



Oh, quite ! 3 
Eh! 
Quite ! 
Well ? 



Sir C. 

Lady J. 

Sir C. 



Lady J. 

But if Gilbert made inquiries 

Sir C. 
Well? 

Lady J. 

It was such a very good dinner that Mr. Falkner 
ordered. 

97 



1 Lady Jess. nod*. 

3 Lady Jess, 
shakes her 
head. 



• He looks at her. 
She becomes 
confused. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Sir C. 

It was ! But, if he didn't expect you, why did he 
order that very excellent dinner? 

Lady J. 

I'm sure you ought to be the last person to ask 
that, for it seems you ate it. 

Sir C. 
I did. 

Lady J. 

It's an ill wind that blows nobody good ! 

Sir C. 

I'm not grumbling at the wind, or at the dinner, 
but if I'm to help you out of this, you had better 
tell me all the truth. Especially as I'm not your 
husband. Now frankly, is this a mere indiscretion 

or 1 

Lady J. 



1 Looking at her. 



* Lady Jess, 
makes two 
efforts to an* 
swer him. 



A mere indiscretion, nothing more. Honour — 
really, really honour. 

Sir C. 

A mere indiscretion that will never be repeated. 

Lady J. 

A mere indiscretion that will never be repeated. 
You believe me ? 

Sir C. 

(Looking at her.) Yes, I believe you, and I'll 
help you. 

Lady J. 
Thank you! Thank you! 

Sir C. 
Now did Falkner expect you ? 2 

9 8 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



Lady J. 
He ought not. 

Sir C. 
He ought not. But he did. 

Lady J. 
I told him I shouldn't come. 
Sir C. 
Which was exactly the same as telling him you 
would. 

Lady J. 
Have you seen Mr. Falkner ? 

Sir C. 
Only for a minute just before dinner. He came 
up to town. 

Lady J. 
Without any dinner? 

Sir C. 
Without any dinner. To come back to these two 
possibilities. 

Lady J. 

Yes, Rosy and I have decided on — on 

Sir C. 
On possibility number one, tell a fib. I put that 
possibility first out of natural deference and chivalry 
towards ladies. The only objection I have to tell- 
ing fibs is that you get found out. 

Lady J. 
Oh, not always. 1 

Sir C. 
Eh! 

Lady J. 
I mean, if you arrange things not perhaps ex- 
actly as they were, but as they ought to have been. 

99 



1 Lady Jess, be- 
comes embar- 
rassed. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Sir C. 

I see. In that way a lie becomes a sort of ideal- 
ized and essential truth — ■ — 



• 3rd call. Foot- 
man, Mrs. 
Crespin. 



1 Sir C. crosses to 
Lady R. Jess, 
goes down L. 
Freddie in 
front of table 
B. C. Lady R. 
above table R. 

a sire, a 



Lady J. 



Yes. Yes- 



Sir C. 

I'm not a good hand at — idealizing. 

Lady J. 

Ah, but then you're a man! No, I can't tell the 
truth. Gilbert would never believe me. Would you 
— after that dinner ? 

Sir C. 

The dinner would be some tax on my digestion. 

(Lady Rosamund enters r., followed by Freddie, 
with a self-important and self-assertive air, 1 

Lady R. 
Good morning, Sir Christopher. 
Sir C. 

(Shaking hands.) Good morning, Lady Rosa- 
mund. 

Lady R. 
Jess, I've had to tell Freddie. 
Lady J. 

And I've had to tell Sir Christopher. He was 
at Shepperford last evening, and he has promised to 
help us. 

Freddie. 

I must say, Jess, that I think you have behaved 
— well — in a — confounded silly way. 
ioo 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



Lady J. 

That is perfectly understood. 

Freddie. 

(Solemnly.) When a woman once forgets what 

is due 

Lady J. 

Oh, don't moralize! Rosy, Sir Christopher, do 



ask him not to improve the occasion. 1 

Sir C. 

The question is, Freddie, whether you will help 
us in getting Lady Jessica out of this little diffi- 
culty. 

Freddie. 
Well, I suppose I must join in. 

Lady J. 

Now, Rosy, do you fully understand 

Sir C. 

I don't think I do. What is the exact shape which 
Possibility Number One has taken— or is going to 
take? 2 

Lady R. 

Jess and I had arranged to have a little tete-a-tete 
dinner at Shepperford. Jess got there first. I hadn't 
arrived. George saw Jess at the window, and came 
in. At that moment Mr. Falkner happened to come 
into the room, and Jess knowing that appearances 
were against her, was confused, and couldn't on the 
spur of the moment give the right explanation. 3 

Sir C. 

I suppose the waiter will confirm that right expla- 
nation? 4 

IOI 



1 Puts stylo, pen 
•on her chain. 



* Lady Jess about 
to answer. 
Lady R. takes 
it up. 



8 Ladies and 
Freddie look 
very satisfied. 
Sir C. dubious. 



* They look at 
each other 
alarmed. Sir 
C. turns up C. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Lady J. 

The waiter? I hadn't thought of that. Waiters 
will confirm anything, won't they? Couldn't you 
settle with the waiter? 



3 Sir C. cautions 
Lady Jess by 
putting his 
fingers to his 
lips. Freddie 
turns up C. 



* Sir C. joins 
Freddie up C. 



Sir C. 



Well, I- 



Lady J. 
You did have the dinner, you know ! 

Sir C. 
Very well. I'll settle with the waiter. 
(Enter Footman.) 1 
Footman 
(Announcing.) Mrs. Crespin! 2 
(Enter Mrs. Crespin.) 
(Exit Footman.) 
Mrs. C. 

(Shows a little surprise at seeing them all, then 
goes very affectionately to Lady Rosamund.) Good 
morning dear. Good morning, Sir Christopher. 3 
(Sir Christopher bows. To Freddie.) I've seen 
you. (Goes to Lady Jessica.) Good morning, 
dearest. (Kisses her.) 

Lady J. 

Good morning, dearest. (Kisses her.) 

Mrs. C 

(To Lady Jessica. Looking anxiously at her.) 
You're looking pale and worried. 
102 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT ITT 



1 Sits on settee 
L. C. with 
Lady Jess. 



2 B.C. 



* All become tn- 
terested. 



Lady J. 
Me? Oh no, I'm sure I don't, do I? 

Sir C. 
Not to masculine eyes. 

Mrs. C. 

(To Lady Rosamund.) Dear, I've lost the 
address of that cook. Would you mind writing it 
out again ? * 

Lady R. 
Certainly. 

(Goes to writing table 2 and writes.) 

Mrs. C. 

( To Lady Jessica. ) What's the matter with our 
dear friend George Nepean ? 3 

Lady J. 
Matter? 

Mrs. C. 

I ran against him in a post-office on my way 
from Paddington just now. 

Lady J. 
Yes? 

Mrs. C. 

Your husband is quite well, I hope? 

Lady J. 
My husband? Oh, quite! He always is quite 
well. Why? 

Mrs. C. 
George Nepean seemed so strange. 

Lady J. 
How? 

103 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



1 Smoothing her 



gloves. 
Loc 



* Looks at Lady 
Jess. 

*Uthcall. Dolly. 



Mrs. C. 1 

He said he was going to Paddington to meet your 
husband — and he made so much of it. 2 

Lady J.* 

Ah! You see, my husband is a big man, so 
naturally George would make much of it. 

Mrs. C. 

I always used to go to the station to meet my hus- 
band — when I had one. 

Lady J. 

(A little triumphantly.) Ah, Rosy and I know 
better than to kill our husbands with too much 
kindness. 3 

Mrs. C. 
Still, I think husbands need a little pampering — 
Sir C. 4 

Not at all. The brutes are so easily spoilt. A 
little overdose of sweetness, a little extra attention 
from a wife to her husband, and life is never the 
same again! 

Freddie. 

(Who has been waiting eagerly to get a word 
in.) 5 I suppose you didn't mention anything to 
George Nepean about our dining with you last even- 
ing? 6 

Mrs. C. 

(Alert. ) Did I ? Let me see ! Yes ! Yes ! I did 
mention that you were over. Why ? 

(They all look at each other.) 

Freddie. 

Oh, nothing, nothing! 
104 



• Lady R. nods to 

Lady Jess ,* 
turns and 
smiles at Fred- 
die at table 
R. C. Freddie 
turns up C. 

* Coming down 

C. 



• Comes doum 
R.C. 



• They all look at 
each other 
nervously. 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



1 They all answer 
, with a smile, 
and become 
serious at once. 



Mrs. C. 
I'm so sorry. Does it matter much ? 

Lady J. 
Not in the least. 1 

Lady R. 

Oh, not in the least. 

Freddie. 
Not in the least. 

Sir C. 
Not' at all. 

Mrs. C. 
I'm afraid I made a mistake. 

Lady R. 
How? 

Mrs. C. 2 
Your husband 

Lady R. 

Oh, my dear, what does it matter what my Fred- 
die says or does or thinks, eh, Freddie? (Frowning 
angrily aside at Freddie.) 3 There's the address of 
the cook. 

(Giving the paper on which she has been writing.) 
Mrs. C. 

Thank you so much. Good morning, dearest. 

(Kiss.) 
Lady R. 
Good morning, dearest. 4 (Kiss.) 

Mrs. C. 
'(Going to Lady Jessica.) Good-bye, dearest. 5 
[(Kiss.) 

105 



* Mrs. Crespin 
and Lady R. 
rise. Lady R. 
crosses to Mrs. 
Crespin. Fred' 
die drops down, 
to chair R. C. 



8 Freddie sinks 
into chair R. C. 



* Crosses to fire 
L. rings. 



Lady Jess. rise*. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



Lady J. 

Good-bye, dearest. (Kiss.) 

Mrs. C. 

(Very sweetly, shaking hands. Good-bye, Sir 
Christopher. 

Sir C. 
Good-bye. 

Mrs. C. 

You are quite sure that I didn't make a mistake 
in telling George Nepean that Lady Rosy and Mr. 
Tatton dined with me last evening? 

Sir C. 
It was the truth, wasn't it? 
Mrs. C. 
Of course it was. 

Sir C. 
One never makes a mistake in speaking the truth. 

Mrs. C. 
Really ? That's a very sweeping assertion to make. 

Sir C. 
I base it on my constant experience — and practice. 

Mrs. C. 
You find it always answers to tell the truth ? 

Sir C. 
Invariably. 

Mrs. C. 

I hope it will in this case. Good-bye ! Good-bye ! 
Good-bye ! 

106 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



act III 



(Exit Mrs. Crespin. 1 They all stand looking at 
each other, nonplussed. Sir Christopher slightly 
touching his head with perplexed gesture.) 



Our fib won't do. 



Sir C. 



Lady R. 



Freddie, you incomparable nincompoop! 

Freddie. 

I like that ! If I hadn't asked her, what would 
have happened? George Nepean would have come 
in, you'd have plumped down on him with your lie, 
and what then? Don't you think it's jolly lucky 
I said what I did? 2 

Sir C. 

It's lucky in this instance. But if I am to embark 
any further in these imaginative enterprises, I must 
ask you, Freddie, to keep a silent tongue. 

Freddie. 
What for? 

Sir C. 

Well, old fellow, it may be an unpalatable truth to 
you, but you'll never make a good liar. 3 

Freddie. 

Very likely not. But if this sort of thing is go- 
ing on in my house, I think I ought to. 

Lady R. 4 

Oh, do subside, Freddie, do subside ! 

Lady J.* 

Yes, George — and perhaps Gilbert — will be here 
directly. Oh, will somebody tell me what to do ? 

107 



Sir C. opens 
door L. for 
Mrs. Crespin ; 
after her exit, 
closes door. 
They all turn 
and look at Sir 
C. He sinks 
into a chair up 
C, and shakes 
his head at 
them. 



* Lady Jess, sits 
L. C. Sir Chris, 
puts hat on 
bookcase C, 
and comes 
down C. 



8 Lady R. and 
Lady Jess, 
agree with Sir 
C. 



4 Crosses to him 
C. Freddie 
sits R. C. an- 
noyed. 



* 5th call. 
George. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



1 Rises. 



*L. SirC. 
crosses down R. 



Sir C. 

We have tried possibility number one. It has 
signally failed. Why not possibility number two ? 

Lady J. 

Tell the truth ? My husband would never believe 
it! Besides, he threatened that he wouldn't spare 
me. And he won't. 1 No! No! No! Somebody 
dined with me last night, or was going to dine with 
me, and that somebody was a woman. 

(Enter Footman.) 2 

Footman. 

(Announcing.) Mrs. Coke! 

(Enter Dolly.) 

Dolly. 

(Going to Lady R.)Ah, my dear Lady Rosa- 
mund 

(Exit Footman.) 
Lady J. 

(Goes affectionately and a little hysterically to 
her.) Dolly! How good of you ! (Kissing her.) 3 

Dolly. 

What's the matter? 

Lady J. 

Dolly, you dined with me, or were going to dine 
with me at the Star and Garter at Shepperford last 
evening. Don't say you can't, and didn't, for you 
must and did ! 



* Takes her away 
from Lady R. 



Dolly. 

Of course I'll say anything that's — necessary. 
1 08 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



Lady J. 

Oh, you treasure! 

Dolly. 

But I don't understand 

(Lady Jessica takes her aside and whispers 
eagerly. ) * 

Sir C. 

, (Glancing at Lady Jessica and Dolly.) Possi- 
bility number one — with variations. I'm not re- 
quired any further. 2 

Lady R. 

Oh, Sir Christopher, you won't desert us? 

Sir C. 

Certainly not, if I can be of any use. But if this 
is to be a going concern, don't you think the fewer 
partners the better? 

Lady R. 

Oh, don't go. You can help us so much. 

Sir C. 
How? 

Lady R. 

Your mere presence will be an immense moral 
support to us. 

Sir C. 

(Uncomfortable.) Thank you! Thank you! 

Lady R. 

You can come to our assistance whenever we are 
in the lurch, corroborate us whenever we need cor- 
roboration — and 

109 



They sit on 
settee. 



* Going quickly 
up L. C, get* 
hat from book- 
case. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



sc. r 



Sir C. 

Bolster up generally. 

Lady R. 

Yes. Besides, everybody knows you are such an 
honourable man. I feel they won't suspect you. 

Sir C. 

( Uncomfortable. ) Thank you ! Thank you ! * 

Dolly. 



1 Puts hat on 
bookcase up C. 



• Coming down 
to back of set- 
tee. 



•Is. 



(To Lady Jessica.) Very well, dear. I quite 
understand. After George went away, you were 
so upset at his suspicions that you came back to 
town without any dinner. Did I stay and have the 
dinner? 

Sir C. 2 

No, no. I wouldn't go so far as that. 

Dolly. 

But what did I do? I must have dined some- 
where, didn't I? Not that I mind if I didn't dine 
anywhere. But won't it seem funny if I didn't 
dine somewhere? 

Lady J. 
I suppose it will. 

Dolly. 

Very well then, where did I dine ? Do tell me. I 
know I shall get into an awful muddle if I don't 
know. Where did I dine ? 

(Enter Footman.) 3 

Footman. 

(Announcing.) Mr. George Nepeam 

(Enter George Nepean.) 
(Exit Footman.) 
no 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



»#.c. 



George. 

(Enters very frigidly, bows very coldly. Very 
stiffly. ) Good morning, Lady Rosamund ! ( To the 
others — bowing.) Good morning. 

Lady R. 1 

(Very cordially.) My dear George, don't take 
that tragic tone. (Insists on shaking hands.) Any- 
one would suppose there was something dreadful 
the matter. I've just explained to Sir Christopher 
your mistake of last night. 

George. 
My mistake ? 

Lady J. 

You shouldn't have left so hurriedly, George. I 
sent Mr. Falkner after you to explain. Dolly, tell 
him. 

Dolly. 



Jess and I had arranged to have a little dinner all 
by our two selves — • — 

George. 
Indeed ! 

Dolly. 

There's nothing strange in that, Sir Christopher ? 

Sir C. 

Not at all. I am sure any person of either sex 
would only be too delighted to dine tete-a-tete with 
you. 

Dolly. 

And when I got there, I found poor Jess in an 
awful state. She said you had come into the room 
and had made the most horrid accusations against 
her, poor thing! 

in 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



George. 

I made no accusation. 

Lady J. 

What did you mean by saying that Gilbert must 
know? 

George. 
Merely that I should tell him what I saw. 

Lady J. 
And you have told him? 

George. 
Yes, on his arrival an hour ago. 

Lady J. 

Where is he ? 

George. 

Round at Sloane Street waiting till I have heard 
Lady Rosamund's explanation. 

Lady R. 

Well, you have heard it. Or, rather, it's Dolly's 
explanation. The whole thing is so ridiculously 
simple. I think you ought to beg Jess's pardon. 

George. 

I will when I am sure that I have wronged her. 

Freddie. 1 

Oh, come, I say, George ! you don't refuse to take 

a lady's word 

Lady R. 



1 Rises. 



2 Freddie sits 
very angry. 



Freddie, subside! 2 

Dolly. 

( To George. ) Poor Jess was so much upset by 
what you said that she couldn't eat any dinner, she 

112 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



nearly had hysterics, and when she got a little bet- 
ter, she came straight up to town, poor thing ! * 



George. 

What was Mr. Falkner doing there? 

Lady J. 

He was staying in the hotel and happened to come 
into the room at that moment. 1 (A little pause.) 

Lady R. 
Is there anything else you would like to ask? 

George. 
No. 

Lady R. 

And you're quite satisfied ? 

George. 

The question is not whether I'm satisfied, but 
whether Gilbert will be. I'll go and fetch him. Will 
you excuse me? 2 

Sir C. 

(Stops him.) Nepean, I'm sure you don't wish 
to embitter your brother and Lady Jessica's whole 
future life by sowing jealousy and suspicion be- 
tween them. Come now, like a good fellow, you'll 
smooth things over as much as you can. 

George. 

I shall not influence my brother one way or the 
other. He must judge for himself. 

(Exit. 3 Sir Christopher shrugs his shoulders.) 

Dolly. 

I got through very well, didn't I? (To Lady 
Jessica. ) 

"3 



* 6th Call Coke. 



1 Lady Jess, 
shakes Dolly's 
hand gently. 



2 Going up L. 



*L. Sir C. crosses 
to Lady R. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Lady J. 

Yes, dear. Thank you so much. But George 
didn't seem to believe it, eh? 

Freddie. 

It's so jolly thin. A couple of women dining to- 
gether! what should a couple of women want to 
dine together for ? * Oh, it's too thin, you know ! 

Lady J. 

And you don't think Gilbert will believe it ? 2 He 
must ! he must ! Oh, I begin to wish that we had 

tried 

Sir C. 



1 Rises, goes up 
C. Lady R. 
goes down R. 



Rises. 



• Down R. 



•L. 



Rises. 



Possibility number two. I'm afraid it's too late 
now. 

Lady J. 

Oh, what shall I do? Do you think Gilbert will 
believe Dolly? 

Lady R. 3 

He must if Dolly only sticks to it. 

Dolly. 

Oh, I'll stick to it. Only I should like to know 
where I dined. Where did I dine? 

(Enter Footman 4 to Dolly.) 

Footman. 

If you please, ma'am, Mr. Coke is waiting for 
you below. 

Dolly. 5 

(With a scream.) Oh, dear! Oh, dear! I'd 
quite forgotten! 

Lady R. 
What? 

114 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



Dolly. 

I arranged to meet Archie here and take him on 
to the dentist's. {To Footman.) Tell Mr. Coke 
I'll come in a moment. 

{Exit Footman.) 

Dolly. 

{To Lady Jessica.) Dear, I must go 

Lady J. 



You can't ! You must stay now and tell Gilbert 
— mustn't she, Sir Christopher? 

Sir C. 

I'm afraid you must, Mrs. Coke. You are our 
sheet-anchor. 

Dolly. 
But what can I tell Archie? 

Lady R. 
Can't you put him off, send him away? 

Dolly. 

What excuse can I make? He is so fidgety and 
inquisitive. He'll insist on knowing everything. 
No, I must go. 

Lady J. 

{Desperate.) You can't! You can't! You must 
stay ! Couldn't we tell Archie and ask him to help 
us? 

Sir C. 

{Impatiently to Lady R.) Oh! 

Dolly. 

Oh, I wouldn't tell Archie for the world. He 
wouldn't understand. 

"5 



*£. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



sc. i 



{Enter, l., Archibald Coke, in very correct frock 
coat very prim and starchy. ) 



* Comes C. 



a Goes to Cohe. 

8 Coke looks at 

Dolly. 
* Taking Coke up 

C, Lady B. 

follows. 



Coke. 1 

Good-morning-, Rosy! Freddie! Sir Christo- 
pher! (Nodding all round.) Now, Dolly, are you 
ready? 

Dolly. 

I— I 

Lady J. 
She can't go, Archie. 

Coke. 
Can't go? 

Lady J. 

She — she isn't well. 

Coke. 
Not well? (Alarmed.) Not influenza again? 

Dolly. 
No, not influenza. But I'd rather not go. 

Coke. 

Oh, nonsense, nonsense! I cannot take the gas 
alone. (To Sir Christopher.) I've a terrible 
dread of the gas. I'm sure they'll give me too 
much some day. Now, Dolly. 

Lady R. 

(To Sir Christopher.) Gilbert will be here 
directly. Can't you get him away ? 

Sir C. 2 

Coke, your wife isn't just the thing, 3 as you can 
see. I'll go to the dentist's with you. Come along! 4 
I'll see they give you the right dose. 
116 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



Coke. 1 

(Resisting.) No. My wife is the proper person 
to go to the dentist with me, and see that the gas is 
rightly administered. Come, Dolly! 

Lady J. 

(Comes desperately to Coke.) Dolly can't go! 

Coke. 
Why not ? 

Lady J. 

She must stay here and tell Gilbert that she dined 
with me last evening. 

Coke. 

Tell Gilbert that she dined with you last evening ! 
What for? 

Sir C 

(Aside to Lady Rosamund.) We're taking too 
many partners into this concern. 

Coke. 

She dined with me. Why should she tell Gilbert 
she dined with you? 

Lady J. 

If you must know, I was coming to the station 
from Barbara's, 2 and I must have taken the wrong 

turning 

Coke. 

( Very suspicious. ) The wrong turning 

Lady J. 

Yes, for instead of finding myself at the station, 
I found myself at the Star and Garter. 

Coke. 
The Star and Garter! 

11; 



1 Coming down 
again. 



* Sir Chris, turns 
up C, with a 
groan ; sits on 
armchair. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Lady J. 

And as I was frightfully hungry I asked Mr. 
Falkner to give me a little dinner. 

Coke. 
A little dinner. 

Lady J. 

George Nepean happened to come in, and seeing 
the dinner things laid, actually suspected me of din- 
ing with Mr. Falkner! And he has told Gilbert, 
and don't you see — if Dolly will only say that it 
was she who was dining with me — don't you see? 

Coke.* 

No, I don't. I cannot lend myself to anything 
of the sort. And I expressly forbid Dolly to say 
that she dined with you. 1 

Lady J. 

But she has said so. She has just told George 
Nepean. 

Coke. 
Told George Nepean ! 2 

Dolly. 



•7th Call. Gil- 
bert. Footman 
George. 

1 Freddie comes 
comes down R. 



* Lady R. by 
back of chair 
R.C. 



* Freddie crosses 
to Coke, taking 
his arm. Coke 
withdraws 
arm. 



I couldn't leave poor Jess in a scrape. And now 
I have said so, I must stick to it, mustn't I? You 
wouldn't have me tell another one now. 

Coke. 

Well, I'm surprised! Really, I consider it quite 
disgraceful. 

Freddie. 3 

Look here, Coke, we can't let Gilbert think that 
Jess was dining with Falkner, can we? He'd only 
make a howling scandal, and drag us all into it. 
118 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



We've got to say something. I know it's jolly thin, 
but can you think of a better one ? * 

Coke. 



No, 2 and I decline to have anything to do with 
this ! I should have thought my character was too 
well known for me to be asked to a — a — It is 
too disgraceful ! 3 I will not lend my countenance 
to anything of the kind! 

Lady R. 4 
Very well then, will you please take yourself off 
and leave us to manage the affair ourselves ? 

Coke. 
No, I will not forfeit my self-respect, I will not 
permit my wife to forfeit her self-respect by taking 
part in these proceedings. Really, it is — it is — it is 
too disgraceful. 

(Lady Jessica suddenly bursts into tears, 5 sobs 
violently.) 
Sir C. 
(Comes up to him, very calm, touches him on the 
shoulder.) Coke, I assure you that theoretically I 
have as great an objection to lying as you or any 
man living. But Lady Jessica has acted a little 
foolishly. No more. Of that I am sure. If you 
consent to hold your tongue, I think Gilbert Nepean 
will accept your wife's explanation and the affair 
will blow over. If, however, you insist on the truth 
coming out, what will happen? You will very 
likely bring about a rupture between them, you may 
possibly place Lady Jessica in a position where she 
will have no alternative but to take a fatal plunge, 
and you will drag yourself and your wife into a 
very unpleasant family scandal. That's the situa- 
tion. 

119 



1 All look en- 
.at 

'oke. 



* All disap- 
pointed. 



* Freddie goes up 
C 



* Crosses to Coke 
B.C. 



• Lady R. goes up 
to Sir C., and 
asks him to try 
and get Coke to 
help them. 
Lady Jess, site 
£., Dolly site 
by her. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



1 Coke crosses 
down R. 



* Coke sits R. C. 



Coke. 
But it places me in a very awkward position. No, 
really, I cannot consent — x I'm an honourable man. 

Sir C. 
So are we all, all honourable men. The curious 
thing is that ever since the days of the Garden of 
Eden, women have had a knack of impaling- us 
honourable men on dilemmas of this kind, where the 
only alternative is to be false to the truth or false 
to them. 2 In this instance I think we may very 
well keep our mouths shut without suffering any 
violent pangs of conscience about the matter. Come 
now ! 

Coke. 
(Overwhelmed.) Well, understand 3 me, if I 
consent to keep my mouth shut, I must not be sup- 
posed to countenance what is going on. That is 
quite understood? 

Sir C. 

Oh, quite ! Quite ! We'll consider you as strictly 
neutral. 4 

Coke. 

(Rising up, violently.) No! 5 On second 
thoughts, I really cannot. I cannot ! 

Lady R. 
Very well ! Then will you go away and leave us 
to manage it as we can? 

Coke. 
And I had arranged to take the gas so comfort- 
ably this morning. 6 It's most unfair to place me 
in a position of this kind. 7 I must protest — I 
really 

(Enter Footman.) 8 



' Lady R. comes 
down to Lady 
Jess L. C. 
Freddie back 
of table R. C. 



4 Sir C. turns to 
the ladies, nod- 
ding his head — 
all nod. 

6 All disap- 
pointed. Sir C. 
turns up C. 
crosses at back, 
down R. 



* Lady R. turns 

up C. 
T Coke rises. 



•L, 



120 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



(Footman.) 
Mr. Gilbert 



Nepean. Mr. 



(Announcing.) 
George Nepean. 

Coke. 
Oh! 1 

(Enter Gilbert and George Nepean.) 

(Exit Footman.) 

Lady R. 

(Advances very cordially to Gilbert, who does 
not respond.) Good morning, Gilbert. 

Gilbert. 
Good morning. Good morning, Coke. 

Coke. 
(Very uncomfortable.) Good morning. 

Gilbert. 
(Nodding.) Freddie! Deering! (Looks at 
Lady Jessica, who looks at him. They do not 
speak. Pause, looking round.) I thought I was 
coming here for a private explanation. 2 

Lady R. 

No, Sir Christopher. If Gilbert is determined to 
carry this any further we shall need the unbiassed 
testimony of an impartial friend, so that everybody 
may know exactly what did occur. Please stay. 3 
Sir C. 
(Puts down hat.) Whew! (To himself.) 

Lady R. 
Gilbert, don't be foolish. Everybody here knows 
all about the stupid affair of last evening. 
Gilbert. 
Everybody here knows? Well, I don't. I shall 
be glad to be informed. (Looks round.) 

121 



Sits again. 



* Sir C. buttons 
up coat, turns 
up R., crosses 
back to C. for 
his hat. Fred- 
die draws 
Lady R.'s at- 
tention that he 
is leaving. As 
Sir C. gets to 
door Lady R. 
catches him by 
his coat tails, 
and brings him 
back R. C. 

3 Takes hat away^ 
gives it to 
Freddie, who 
puts it on table 
R.C. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



(Coke shows symptoms of great discomfort.) 

Sir C. 

Nepean, I'm sure you don't wish to make any 
more than is necessary of Lady Jessica's trifling in- 
discretion 

Gilbert. 

I wish to make no more of it than the truth, and 
I'll take care that nobody makes less of it. Now 
— (To Lady Jessica, very furiously) — you were 
dining with this fellow, Falkner, last evening ? 

Lady J. 
No. 

Gilbert. 

No ? Then whom did you dine with ? 

Lady J. 
If you speak like that I shan't answer you. 

Gilbert. 

Will you tell me what I ask? 

Lady J. 
No! 

Gilbert. 

No, you won't ? Perhaps, as you all know, some- 
body else will oblige me. Coke 1 

Coke. 



* Coke starts, 
drops stick, 
picks it up 
again. 



(Most uncomfortable.) Really, I — I don't know 
all the particulars, and I would prefer not to be 
mixed up in your private affairs. 

Gilbert. 
Deering— -you ? 

Sir C. 
My dear fellow, I only know what I've heard, and 

122 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



1 Sir C. crosses at 
back down R. 



hearsay evidence is proverbially untrustworthy. 
Now, if I may offer you a little advice, if I were you 
I should gently take Lady Jessica by the hand, I 
should gently lead her home, I should gently use all 
those endearing little arts of persuasion and entreaty 
which a husband may legitimately use to his wife, 
and I should gently beguile her into telling me the 
whole truth. I should believe everything she told 
me, I shouldn't listen to what anybody else said, 
and I should never mention the matter again. Now, 
do as I tell you, and you'll be a happy man to-mor- 
row, and for the rest of your life. (Pause.) 

Gilbert. 

(Looks at Lady Jessica.) No. (Sir Christo- 
pher shrugs his shoulders.) 1 I came here for an 
explanation, and I won't go till I've got it. 

Lady R. 
My dear Gilbert, we're patiently waiting to give 
you an explanation, if you'll only listen to it. Dolly, 
do tell him how it all happened, and let him see what 
a donkey he is making of himself. 

Dolly. 

Yes, Gilbert, I wish you wouldn't get in these 
awful tempers. You frighten us so that in a very 
little while we shan't know whether we're speaking 
the truth, or whether we're not. 

Gilbert. 
Go on! 

Dolly. 
Jess and I had arranged to have a little tete-a- 
iete dinner at Shepperford and talk over old times, 
all by our two selves (Coke gets very uncomfort- 
able) — hadn't we, Jess? Rosy, you heard us ar- 
ranging it all ? 

123 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Lady R. 

Yes, on the last night you were at our place. 1 

Dolly. 



1 Gilbert looks at 
Ladif R. She 
is confused. 



8th Call. 
Falhner. 
Footman. 



Yes. Well, Jess got there first and then Mr. Falk- 
ner happened to come into the room, and then 
George happened to come in and wouldn't wait to 
listen to Jess's explanation, would he, Jess? Well, 
when I got there, I found Jess in strong hysterics, 
poor old dear ! I couldn't get her round for ever so 
long. And as soon as she was better she came 
straight up to town. And that's all. {Pause.) * 

Gilbert. 
And what did you do? 

Dolly. 
{Very nervous.) I came up to town too. 

Gilbert. 
Without any dinner? 

Dolly. 
No— I 

Gilbert. 
Where did you dine ? 

Dolly. 

I didn't really dine anywhere — not to say dine. I 
had some cold chicken and a little tongue when I 
got home. {Pause.) And a tomato salad. 

Coke. 



{Very much shocked at Dolly.) Oh, of all 



the- 



( Sir Christopher .nudges him to be quiet.) 
124 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



1 Coke appeals to 
Sir C, who 
turns away. 



Gilbert. 

Coke, what do you know of this ? 1 

Coke. 

Well — I know what Dolly has just told you. 

Gilbert. 

You allow your wife to dine out alone? 

Coke. 

Yes — yes — on certain occasions. 

Gilbert. 

And you knew of this arrangement ? 

Coke. 

Yes, — at least, no — not before she told me of it. 2 
But after she told me, I did know. 

George. 
But Jessica said that she expected a small party. 

Dolly. 
I was the small party. 

Gilbert. 

(To Coke.) What time did Dolly get home last 
evening ? 

Coke. 
Eh? Well, about 



Dolly. 
A little before nine. 3 

George. 

Impossible ! I was at Shepperford after half past 
seven. If Lady Jessica had hysterics, and you 
stayed with her, you could scarcely have reached 
Kensington before nine. 

125 



Puffs his cheeks, 



3 Coke agrees 
with Dolly. 
George comes 
C. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



sc. r 



1 Lady R. comes 
down K. by Sir 
C. Coke rises. 



Dolly. 
Well, perhaps it was ten. Yes, it was ten. 
Gilbert. 

Coke, were you at home last evening when your 
wife got back? 

Coke. 
I? No — yes, yes — no — not precisely. 
Gilbert. 

(Growing indignant.) Surely you must know 
whether you were at home or not when your wife 
returned ? x 

Coke. 

No, I don't. And I very much object to be cross- 
questioned in this manner. I've told you all I know, 
and — I — I withdraw from the whole business. Now, 
Dolly, are you ready? 

Gilbert. 

No, stop ! I want to get at the bottom of this and 
I will. (Coming furiously to Lady Jessica.) Once 
more, will you give me your version of this cock- 
and-bull story ? 

(Enter Footman.) 2 

Footman. 

(Announcing.) Mr. Falkner! 

Gilbert. 



•L. 



• Moves down R. 



Ah! 3 

Sir C. 

Nepean ! Nepean ! Control yourself ! 

(Enter Falkner.) 

(Exit Footman.) 
126 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT III 



Gilbert. 

Let me be, Deering. (Going to Falkner.) You 
were at Shepperford last evening. My wife was 
there with you? 

Falkner.* 

I was at Shepperford last evening. Lady Jessica 
was there. She was dining with Lady Rosa- 
mund 

Lady R. 



No ! No ! x 

Gilbert. 
Lady Jessica was dining with Lady Rosamund ? 

Falkner. 

I understood her to say so, did I not, Lady Rosa- 
mund? 

Lady R. 

No ! No ! It was Mrs Coke who was dining with 
Lady Jessica. 

Falkner. 
Then I misunderstood you. Does it matter ? 
Gilbert. 

Yes. 2 I want to know what the devil you were 
doing there? 

Sir C. 

Nepean ! Nepean ! 

Gilbert. 

Do you hear? What the devil were you doing 
there ? Will you tell me, or 3 

(Trying to get at Falkner, Sir Christopher 
holds him back.) 
127 



* Curtain 
warning. 



1 Sir C. turns to 
Lady R., ges- 
ticulating, 
turns, sees Gil- 
bert watching 
him— picks up 
vase of flowers 
from table R. 
C, smells them % 
offers them to, 
Lady R„ who 
smells ad. lib. 



* Going to him. 



Throws down 
gloves. 



ACT III 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Lady J. 

(Rises very quietly.) Mr. Falkner, tell my hus- 
band the truth. 

Falkner. 

But, Lady Jessica 

Lady J. 

Yes, if you please — the truth, the whole truth, 
and nothing but the truth. Tell him all. I wish it. 
Gilbert. 

You hear what she says. Now then, the truth — 
and be damned to you! 

Falkner. 

(Looks around, then after a pause, with great 
triumph. ) I love Lady Jessica with all my heart and 
soul ! x I asked her to come to me at Shepperford 
last evening. She came. Your brother saw us and 
left us. The next moment Lady Rosamund came, 
and she had scarcely gone when the maid came with 
your telegram and took Lady Jessica back to town. 
If you think there was anything more on your 
wife's side than a passing folly and amusement at 
my expense, you will wrong her. If you think there 
is anything less on my side than the deepest, deepest, 
deepest love and worship, you will wrong me. 
Understand this. She is guiltless. Be sure of that. 
And now you've got the truth, and be damned to 
you. (Goes to door at back — turns.) If you want 
me, you know where to find me. (To Lady Jes- 
sica.) Lady Jessica, I am at your service — always! 

(Exit at back. They all look at each other.) 
Sir C. 



1 Gilbert makes a 
movement to 
get at Falkner. 
Sir C. restrains 
him. 



(Very softly to himself.) Possibility Number 
Two — with a vengeance ! 

CURTAIN. 

( Time — 38 minutes. ) 
128 



xn 

21 




ACT IV. 

Scene: Drawing-room in Sir Christopher's -flat 
in Victoria Street, l. at back a large recess, taking 
up half the stage. The right half is taken up by 
an inner room furnished as library and smoking- 
room. Curtains dividing library from drawing- 
room. Door up stage, l. A table down stage, r. 
The room is in great confusion, with portmanteau 
open, clothes, etc., scattered over the floor; articles 
which an officer going to Central Africa might 
want are lying about. 

(Time: night, about half -past nine o'clock.) 

(Sir Christopher and Taplin are busy packing. 
Ring at door.) 

Sir C. 1 

See who it is, Taplin; and come back and finish 
packing the moment I am disengaged. 

{Exit Taplin. He re-enters in a few moments, 
showing in Beatrice in evening dress. Sir 
Christopher goes to her, and shakes hands cor- 
dially. ) 

{Exit Taplin.) 

Bea. 

I was out dining when you called. But I got your 
message and I came on at once. 

129 



1st Call Sir 
Christopher. 
Taplin. 
Beatrice. 



1 Sir Christopher 
at back of table 
R. C. putting 
documents 
into deed box 
on table. Tap- 
lin folding 
tunic up C. — 
puts it in uni- 
form case. 
Bell rings off 
L. 



ACT IV 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



1 Folding up 
ttool by table 
B.C. 



Sir C. 

I couldn't wait. I had to come back and pack. 
{Going on with his packing.) I haven't one half- 
moment to spare. 

Bea. 
When do you start ? 

Sir C. 

To-morrow morning. 1 It's very urgent. I've 
been at the War Office all the afternoon. You'll 
excuse my going on with this. I've three most 
important duties to fulfil to-night. 

Bea. 
What are they? 

Sir C. 
(Packing.) I've got to pack. I've got to per- 
suade Ned to come out there with me — if I can. 
And I've got (looking straight at her) to make you 
promise to be my wife when I come home again. 

Bea. 
Oh, Kit, you know what I've told you so often! 

Sir C. 

(Packing always.) Yes, and you're telling it 
me again, and wasting my time when every mo- 
ment is gold. Ah, dear, forgive me, you know I 
think you're worth the wooing. And you know 
I'm the man to woo you. And you know I'm ready 
to spend three, five, seven, fourteen or twenty-one 
years in winning you. But if you'd only say " Yes " 
this minute, and let me pack and see Ned, you'd save 
me such a lot of trouble. And I'll do all the love* 
making when I come back. 

Bea. 
Where is Ned? 2 
130 



» Sits on trunk 
L.C. 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT IV 



1 Picks up lan- 
tern from, sofa 
L. comes back 
to C, folds lan- 
tern up, places 
it in case, puts 
it in deed box 
on table E. C. 



Sir C. 

Playing the fool for Lady Jessica. 1 There never 
was but one woman in this world that was worth 
playing the fool for, and I'm playing the fool for 
her. I've sent for Ned to come here. That's a 
digression. Come back to brass-tacks. You'll be 
my wife when I come home? 

Bea. 

Let me think it over, Kit. 

Sir C. 

No. You've had plenty of time for that. I can't 
allow you to think it over any longer. 

Bea. 

But it means so much to me. Let me write to 
you out there? 

Sir C. 

(Very determinedly.) No. (Leaves his pack- 
ing, takes out his watch.) It's a little too bad of you 
when I'm so pressed. 2 Now, I can only give you 
five minutes, and it must absolutely be fixed up in 
that time. (With great tenderness and passion.) 
Come, my dear, dear chum, what makes you hesi- 
tate to give yourself to me? You want me to come 
well out of this, don't you ? * 

Bea. 
You know I do ! 

Sir C. 

Then you don't love your country if you won't 
have me. Once give me your promise, and it will 
give me the pluck of fifty men! Don't you know 
if I'm sure of you I shall carry everything before 
me ? 



3 Comes L. to her. 



2nd Call. 

Gilbert. 

Falkner. 



131 



ACT IV 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



* Bises. 



» Taking her 
hands. 



* Crosses doivn, 
jricks tip bucket 
by trunk, 
throws it up C. 
Beatrice 
crosses to table 
R.C. 



* Taking sword 
from sofa ; 
takes it from 
scabbard and 
puts it in a 
leather one. 



Bea. 1 

Will you ? Will you ? But if you were to die 

Sir C. 

I won't die if you're waiting to be my wife when 
I come home. And you will? You will? I won't 
hear anything but " Yes." 2 You shan't move one 
inch till you've said " Yes." Now ! say it ! Say 
"Yes!" Say " Yes "—do you hear ? 

Bea. 

{Throwing herself into his arms.) Yes! Yes! 
Yes ! Take me ! Take me ! 

Sir C. 

(Kissing her very reverently.) My wife when I 
come home again. 

(A pause.) 

Bea. 

You know, Kit, I can love very deeply. 

Sir C. 

And so you shall, when I come home again. And 
so will I when I come home again. (Looking at his 
watch.) A minute and a quarter! I must get on 
with my packing. 3 

Bea. 

Kit, there* will be some nursing and other wom- 
an's work out there? 



Yes, I suppose- 



Sir C. 



Bea. 



I'll come with you. 
132 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT IV 



1 Crosses to sofa ; 
puts on cloak. 



Sir C. 
Very well. How long will it take you to pack ? 

Bea. 
Half an hour. 1 

Sir C. 

All right ! I must wait here for Ned. Come back 
and have some supper by-and-by. 

Bea. 
Yes — in half an hour. 

Sir C. 
We might be married at Cairo — on our way out ? 
Bea. 
„ Just as you please. 

Sir C. 
Or before we start to-morrow morning? 

Bea. 
Will there be time? 

Sir C. 
Oh, I'll make time. 2 

(Enter Taplin.) 
Taplin. 
Mr. Gilbert Nepean is below, Sir Christopher. 

Sir C. 
(Glancing at his packing.) Show him up, Taplin. 
(Exit Taplin.) 
Sir C. 



(Holding Beatrice's hand.) To-morrow morn- 
ing, then? 

133 



8 He is about to 
embrace her, as 
Taplin enters 
L. Sir C. pre- 
tends to look 
for something. 



ACT IV 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



1 Kisses her— 
they separate 
as Taplin 
re-enters L. 



Bea. 
Yes, I've given you some trouble to win me, Kit ? 

Sir C. 

No more than you're worth. 

Bea. 
I'll give you none now you have won me. 1 
(Enter Taplin.) 
Taplin. 
(Announcing.) Mr. Gilbert Nepean. 
(Enter Gilbert Nepean.) 
(Exit Taplin.) 
Bea. 
How d'ye do? 

Gilbert. 
How d'ye do? 

(Shaking hands.) 2 
Bea. 

And good-bye. (To Sir Christopher.) No, I 
won't have you come down all those stairs, indeed I 
won't Au revoir. 3 

(Exit.) 

Gilbert. 

Excuse my coming at this hour. 

Sir C. 4 

I'm rather pressed. What can I do for you? 

Gilbert. 

I have been down to Shepperford this afternoon. 
It seems you dined there last evening. 

134 



* Gilbert crosses 
down R. 



* Sir C. shuts 
door L. 



• Sir C. takes hel- 
viet out of case 
on sofa, un- 
screws spike, 
and puts it in 
case. 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT IV 



Sir C. lets the 
lid of helmet 
case drop— and 
looks at 
Gilbert. 



Sir C. 

I did. 

Gilbert. 
I want to get all the evidence. 

Sir C. 
What for? 

Gilbert. 

To guide me in my future action. 1 Deering, 
I trust you. Can I take that fellow's word that my 
wife is guiltless? 

Sir C. 
I'm sure you can. 

Gilbert. 
How do you know? 

Sir C. 

Because he'd give his head to tell you that she is 
not. 

Gilbert. 
Why? 

Sir C. 

It would give him the chance he is waiting for — 
to take her off your hands. 

Gilbert. 

Take her off my hands — he's waiting for that? 

Sir C 2 

Don't you see he is? And don't you see that 
you're doing your best to make him successful? 

Gilbert. 
How? 

Sir C. 

Don't think when you've married a woman that 

135 



2 Going to him. 



ACT IV 



THE LIARS 



SC. I 



you can sit down and neglect her. You can't. 
You've married one of the most charming women in 
London, and when a man has married a charming 
woman, if he doesn't continue to make love to her 
some other man will. Such are the sad ways of 
humankind ! How have you treated Lady Jessica ? 

Gilbert. 

But do you suppose I will allow my wife to go 
out dining with other men? 

Sir C. 

The best way to avoid that is to take her out to 
dinner yourself — and to give her a good one. Have 
you dined to-night ? 1 

Gilbert. 

Dined? No! I can't dine till I know what to 
believe. 

Sir C. 

The question is, what do you want to believe? If 
you want to believe her innocent, take the facts as 
they stand. If you want to believe her guilty, con- 
tinue to treat her as you are doing, and you'll very 
soon have plenty of proof. And let me tell you, no- 
body will pity you. Do you want to believe her 
innocent ? 

Gilbert. 



1 Kneeling by 
trunk, packs 
khaki clothes. 



Of course I do. 



Where is she? 



Sir C. 



* Going to him. 



Gilbert. 

I don't know — at home, I suppose. 

Sir C. 2 

Go home to her — don't say one word about what 
136 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT IV 



has happened, and invite her out to the very best 
dinner that London can provide. 

Gilbert. 

But after she has acted as she has done ? 

Sir C. 

My dear fellow, she's only a woman. I never 
met but one woman that was worth taking seriously. 
What are they? A kind of children, you know. 
Humour them, play with them, buy them the toys 
they cry for, but don't get angry with them. 
They're not worth it, except one ! Now I must get 
on with my packing. 

(Sir Christopher sets to work packing. Gil- 
bert walks up and down the room, biting his 
nails, deliberating. Gilbert, after a moment or 
two, speaks. 

Gilbert. 

Perhaps you're right, Deering. 

Sir C. 

Oh, I know I am ! * 

Gilbert. 
I'll go to her. 

Sir C. 

Make haste, or you may be too 



(Busy packing.) 
late. 

(Gilbert goes to door. 2 At that moment enter 
Taplin. ) 

Taplin. 

(Announcing.) Mr. Falkner! 

(Enter Falkner.) 3 

(Exit Taplin. Gilbert and Falkner stand for a 

137 



Picks up helmet 
case from sofa 
Lacrosses to B. 
with it. 



*L. 



3 Sir C. lets hel- 
met case drop 
behind table R., 
stands watch- 
ing the two 
men. 



ACT IV 



THE LIARS 



sc I. 



1 Falkner crosses 
to sofa, puts 
hat doion, 
crosses and 
shuts door L. 



moment looking at each other. Exit Gilbert; 
Falkner looks after him, 1 

Sir C. 
Well? 

Falkner. 
(Very elated.) You want to see me? 

Sir C. 
Yes. You seem excited. 

Falkner. 
I've had some good news. 
Sir C. 
What? 

Falkner. 
The best. She loves me. 

Sir C. 
You've seen her? 2 

Falkner. 
No. 

Sir C. 
Written to her? 

Falkner. 
Yes. I've just had this answer. 
(Taking out letter.) 
Sir C. 
Where is she? 

Falkner. 

Still at her sister's. (Reading.) "I shall never 
forget the words you spoke this morning. You 
were right in saying that your love would not be 



J Takes sword 
belt hanging 
on chair B. C. 



3d Call. Lady. 
Jessica. Lady 
Rosamund. 



wasted. I have learned at last what it is worth. 

138 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT IV 



You said you would be at my service always. Do 
not write again. Wait till you hear from me, and 
the moment I send for you, come to me." x I knew 
I should win her at last, and I shall ! 



Apres ? 



Sir C. 



Falkner. 



What does it matter? If I can persuade her I 
shall take her out to Africa with me. 

Sir C. 

Africa? Nonsense! There's only one woman in 
the world that's any use in that part of the globe, 
and I'm taking her out myself. 

Falkner. 
Beatrice. 

Sir C. 

We are to be married to-morrow morning. 

Falkner. 

I congratulate you — with all my heart. 

(Shaking hands warmly.) 

Sir C. 

Thank you. 2 (Pause.) You'll come with us, 
Ned? 

Falkner. 

If she will come too. 

Sir C. 

Oh, we can't have her. 

Falkner. 
Why not? 

Sir C. 

In the first place, she'd be very much in the way. 

139 



1 Crosses down 
R. comes back, 
meets Sir C. 
face to face. 
Sir C. has 
thrown belt 
away behind 
tableR. 



* Falkner about 
to go R. Sir C. 
detains him,, 
keeping his 
hand. 



ACT IV 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



* Sir C. places 
both hands on 
Falkner's 
shoulders. 



In the second place — it's best to be frank — Lady 
Deering will not recognize Lady Jessica. 

Falkner. 
Very well. (Turns on heel.) Good-night, Kit! 
(Very curtly.) 

Sir C. 
No. 1 Ned, you're still up that everlasting cul-de- 
sac — playing the lover to a married woman, and 
I've got to drag you out of it. 

Falkner. 
It's no use, Kit. My mind is made up. Let 
me go. 

Sir C. 
To the devil with Lady Jessica? No, I'm going 
to stop you. 

Falkner. 
Ah, you'll stop me ! How ? 

Sir C. 
There was a time when one whisper would have 
dont it. (Whispers.) Duty. 2 You know that you're 
the only man who can treat peaceably with the 
chiefs. You know that your going out may save 
hundreds, perhaps thousands of lives. 

Falkner. 
I'm not sure of that. 

Sir C. 
You're not sure? Well then, try it — put it to the 
test. But you know there's every chance. You 
know the whole country is waiting for you to de- 
clare yourself. You know that you have a splendid 
chance of putting the crown on j^our life's work, and 
you know that if you don't seize it, it will be be- 
cause you stay here skulking after her ! 
140 



'Falkner moves 
away. Sir C. 
follows him. 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT IV 



Skulking ! 



Falkner. 
Sir C. 



What do you call it? What will everybody call 
it ? Ned, you've faced the most horrible death day 
after day for months. You've done some of the 
bravest things out there that have been done by any 
Englishman in this generation; but if you turn tail 
now there's only one word will fit you to the end of 
your days, and that word is " Coward ! " 

Falkner. 
Coward ! 

Sir C. 

Coward! And there's only one epitaph to be 
written on you by-and-by — " Sold his honour, his 
fame, his country, his duty, his conscience, his all, 
for a petticoat ! " * 

Falkner. 

Very well, then, when I die write that over me. 
I tell you this, Kit, if I can only win her — and I 
shall, I shall, I feel it — she'll leave that man and 
come to me; and then! — I don't care one snap of 
the fingers if Africa is swept bare of humanity from 
Cairo to Cape Town, and from Teneriffe to Zanzi- 
bar ! Now argue with me after that ! 2 

Sir C. 

Argue with you ? Not I ! But I wish there was 
some way of kidnapping fools into sense and reason 
and locking them up there for the reet of their lives. 



(Enter Taplin.) 



(Announcing. ) 
Rosamund Tatton. 3 



Taplin) 

Lady Jessica Nepean, Lady 

141 



1 Sir C. crosses to 
L. puis foot on 
trunk. Falk- 
ner crosses to 
C. 



Sir C. crosses 
down R. 



• Enter L. Falk- 
ner meets Lady 
Jess C. Sir C. 
sits on arm of 
sofa L., an- 
noyed at Lady* 
JSs entrance. 



ACT IV 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



{Enter Lady Jessica and Lady Rosamund.) 

{Exit Taplin.) 

(Lady Jessica shows delighted surprise at seeing 
Falkner, goes to him cordially. Lady Rosa- 
mund tries to stop Lady Jessica from going to 
Falkner.) 

Lady J. 
{To Falkner.) I didn't expect to find you here. 

Falkner. 
I am waiting for you. 

Lady R. 



» Sir C. crosses 
between them. 



{Interposing.) 
{Aside to him.) 
him. 1 



No, Jess, no. Sir Christopher! 
Help me to get her away from 



(Lady Jessica and Falkner are talking vigorously 
together. ) 

Sir C. 

One moment. Perhaps we may as well get this 
little matter fixed up here and now. {Takes out 
watch, looking rue f idly at his packing.) Lady 
Jessica, may I ask what has happened since I left 
you this morning? 

Lady J. 

Nothing. My husband went away in a rage. 
I've stayed with Rosy all day. 

Lady R. 

We've been talking it all over. 

Lady J. 

Oh, we've been talking it all over — {Gesture) — 
and over and over, till I'm thoroughly — seasick 
of it! 

142 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT IV 



Lady R. 

And so I persuaded her to come and talk it over 
with you. 

Sir C. 

(Glancing at his packing, to Lady Jessica.) 
You can't arrive at a decision? 

Lady J. 
Oh, yes, I can; only Rosy won't let me act on it. 

Lady R. 
I should think not. 

Sir C. 
What is your decision ? 

Lady J. 

I don't mind for myself. I feel that everything 
is in a glorious muddle, and I don't care how I get 
out of it, or whether I get out of it at all. 1 

Sir C. 

But on the whole the best way of getting out of it 
is to run away with Mr. Falkner ? 

Lady J. 

Mr. Falkner has behaved splendidly to me. 

Sir C. 

He has ! He's a brick ! And I'm quite sure that 
in proposing to ruin your reputation, and make you 
miserable for life, he is actuated by the very best 

intentions. 

Lady J. 

I don't care whether I'm happy or miserable for 
the rest of my life. 



ACT IV 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



1 Takes her hand. 



Sir C. 

You don't care now, but you will to-morrow and 
next week, and next year, and all the years after. 

Lady J. 

No, I shan't ! I won't ! 

Falkner. 
I'll take care, Lady Jessica, that you never regret 
this step. You mind is quite made up? 

Lady J. 
Yes, quite. 

Falkner. 
Then no more be said. 1 

(Offering arm. Gesture of despair from Lady 
Rosamund. Sir Christopher soothes her.) 

Sir C. 

One moment, Ned! (Takes out his watch, looks 
ruefully at his packing, half aside.) Good Lord! 
when shall I get on with my packing? (Puts watch 
in pocket, faces Falkner and ~Lady Jessica very 
resolutely.) Now! I've nothing to say in the ab- 
stract against running away with another man's 
wife! There may be planets where it is not only 
the highest ideal morality, but where it has the 
further advantage of being a practical way of carry- 
ing on society. 2 But it has this one fatal defect in 
our country — it won't work ! 3 You know what we 
English are, Ned. We're not a bit better than our 
neighbours, but, thank God ! we do pretend we are, 
and we do make it hot for anybody who disturbs 
that holy pretence. And take my word for it, my 
dear Lady Jessica, my dear Ned, it won't work. 4 
You know it's not an original experiment you're 
making. It has been tried before. Have you ever 
144 



8 Falkner looks 
at Jessica. 

8 Falkner drops 
her hand. 



* Lady E. sits up 
L. C. 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT IV 



1 Falkner takes 
her hand and 
places it on his 
arm. 



known it to be successful? Lady Jessica, think of 
the brave pioneers who have gone before you in this 
enterprise. They've all perished, and their bones 
whiten the anti-matrimonial shore. 1 Think of 
them! Charley Gray and Lady Rideout — flitting 
shabbily about the Continent at cheap table d'hotes 
and gambling clubs, rubbing shoulders with all the 
blackguards and demi-mondaines of Europe. Poor 
old Fitz and his beauty — moping down at Farn- 
hurst, cut by the county, with no single occupation 
except to nag and rag each other to pieces from 
morning to night. Billy Dover and Polly Atchi- 
son — 

Lady J. 
( Indignan t.) Well ! 
— cut in for fresh partners in three weeks. That 
old idiot, Sir Bonham Dancer — paid five thousand 
pounds damages for being saddled with the profes- 
sional strong man's wife. George Nuneham and 
Mrs. Sandys — George is conducting a tramcar in 
New York, and Mrs. Sandys — Lady Jessica, you 
knew Mrs. Sandys, a delicate, sweet little creature, 
I've met her at your house — she drank herself to 
death, and died in a hospital. 2 Not encouraging, is 
it? Marriage may be disagreeable, it may be un- 
profitable, it may be ridiculous; but it isn't as bad 
as that ! And do you think the experiment is going 
to be successful in your case ? Not a bit of it ! 3 No. 
Ned, hear me out. (Turns to Lady Jessica.) 
First of all there will be the shabby scandal and 
dirty business of the divorce court. You won't like 
that. It isn't nice! You won't like it. After the 
divorce court, what is Ned to do with you? Take 
you to Africa? I do implore you, if you hope for 
any happiness in that state to which it is pleasing 
Falkner and Providence to call you, I do implore 

145 



2 Lady Jess 
moves away cs 
little. Falkner 
pursues her. 



8 Falkner turns 
up C. Sir C. 
crosses to Lady 
Jess. Falkner 
comes dozen C. 



ACT IV 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



1 Falkner crosses 
down L. 



you, don't go out to Africa with him. You'd never 
stand the climate and the hardships, and you'd bore 
each other to death in a week. But if you don't go 
out to Africa, what are you to do? Stay in Eng- 
land, in society? Everybody will cut you. Take a 
place in the country? Think of poor old Fitz down 
at Farnhurst ! Go abroad ? Think of Charley Gray 
and Lady Rideout. Take an}' of the other dozen 
alternatives and find yourself stranded in some 
shady hole or corner, with the one solitary hope and 
ambition of somehow wriggling back into respecta- 
bility. That's your side of it, Lady Jessica. As for 
Ned here, what is to become of him? (Angry 
gesture from Falkner.) Yes, Ned, I know you 
don't want to hear, but I'm going to finish. Turn 
away your head. 1 This is for Lady Jessica. He's 
at the height of his career, with a great and honour- 
able task in front of him. If you turn him aside 
you'll not only wreck and ruin your own life and 
reputation, but you'll wreck and ruin his. You 
won't! You won't! His interests, his duty, his 
honour all lie out there. If you care for him, don't 
keep him shuffling and malingering here. Send him 
out with me to finish his work like the good, splen- 
did fellow he is. Set him free, Lady Jessica, and 
go back to your home. Your husband has been 
here. He's sorry for what is past, and he has prom- 
ised to treat you more kindly in the future. He's 
waiting at home to take you out. You missed a 
very good dinner last night. Don't miss another 
to-night. I never saw a man in a better temper than 
your husband. Go to him, and do, once for all, have 
done with this other folly. 2 Do believe me, my dear 
Ned, my dear Lady Jessica, before it is too late, do 
believe me, it won't work, it won't work, it won't 
work! 3 (A little pause.) 



' Falkner takes a 
step towards C. 



8 Sir C. goes to 
Lady B. 



I46 



SC. I 



THE tJARS 



ACT IV 



kth Call Gilbert. 
Taplin. 



1 Crosses to her. 



Lady J. 
I think you're the most horrid man I eve r met ! 

Sir C. 
Because I've told you the truth. 

Lady J. 
Yes, that's the worst of it ! It is the truth. 
Lady R. 

It's exactly what I've been telling her all the af- 
ternoon. 

Falkner. 1 
Lady Jessica, I want to speak to you alone. 

Lady J. 
What's the use? We've got to part. 

Falkner. 
No! No! 

Lady J. 

Yes, my friend. I won't ruin your career. 
We've got to part : and the fewer words the better. 

Falkner. 2 

I can't give you up. 

Lady J. 

You must! Perhaps it's best. You can always 
cherish your fancy portrait of me, and you'll never 
find out how very unlike me it is. And I shall read 
about you in the newspapers and be very proud — 
and — come along, Rosy ! 3 

(Going off. Falkner is going after her.) 
Sir C. 
(Stopping him.) It can answer no purpose, Ned. 

147 



2 Takes her hand. 



3 Crosses to him. 
Lady B. meets 
her. 



ACT IV 



THE LIARS 



sc. i 



Falkner. 

What the devil has it got to do with you ? You've 
taken her from me. Leave her to me for a few min- 
utes. Lady Jessica, I claim to speak to you alone. 

Lady J. 

It can only be to say " Good-bye." 

Falkner. 

I'll never say it. 

Lady J. 

Then I must. Good-bye ! 

Falkner. 

No — say it to me alone. 

Lady J. 

It can only be that — no more 

Falkner. 

Say it to me alone. (Pointing to curtains.) 

Lady J. 

Rosy, wait for me. 1 I won't be a minute. 

(Going to Falkner. Lady Rosamund makes a 
little movement to stop her. 



1 Falkner goes to 
opening C. 
holds curtains 
aside, till Lady 
Jess is off, then 
follows her. 



2 Lady R. crosses 
to Sir a, 
shakes his 
hand. 



Sir Christopher 
by a gesture silences Lady Rosamund and allows 
Lady Jessica to pass through the curtains where 
Falkner has preceded her.) 

Sir C. 

( To Lady Jessica. ) Remember his future is at 
stake as well as yours. Only the one word. 

Lady J. 

(As she passes through curtains.) Only the one 
word. 2 

148 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT IV 



1 Goes behind 
table R. C. 

'I. 



• Lady B. crosses 
to opening^ 
closes curtains. 



Sir C. 

(To Lady Rosamund.) You'll excuse my pack- 
ing. 6 I've not a moment to waste. 

(Enter Taplin.) 2 

Taplin. 

Mr. Gilbert Nepean, Sir Christopher; he says he 
must see you. 3 

Sir C. 

You didn't say Lady Jessica was here? 

Taplin. 
No, Sir Christopher. 

Sir C. 
I'll come to him. 

(Exit Taplin. Lady Rosamund passes between 
the curtains. Sir Christopher is going to door, 
meets Gilbert Nepean who enters very ex- 
citedly. ) 

Gilbert. 

(Off l.) Deering! Deering, she's not at home! 
She's not at her sister's. You don't think she has 
gone to that fellow? 

Sir C. 

Make yourself easy. She is coming back to you. 

Gilbert. 
Where is she? 

Sir C. 

Will you let me take a message to her? May I 
tell her that for the future you will treat her with 
every kindness and consideration? 

Gilbert. 

Yes — yes. Say — oh — tell her what you please. 

149 



ACT IV 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



Say I know I've behaved like a bear. Tell her I'm 
sorry, and if she'll come home I'll do my best to 
make her happy in future. 

Sir C. 

And (taking out watch) it's rather too late for 
dinner, may I suggest an invitation to supper? 

Gilbert. 

Yes, — yes. 

Sir C. 

Lady Rosamund ( Calls. ) 



»c. 



5 th Call. 
Beatrice. 

* Sir C. turns 
Gilbert round, 
his back to 
where Lady 
Jess is. 



(Lady Rosamund enters.)' 1 
Gilbert. 



You- 



(Going towards curtains. Sir Christopher inter- 
cepts him. ) 

Lady R. 

We stepped over to ask Sir Christopher's advice. 

Sir C. 

And, strange to say, they've taken it. 

Gilbert. 

(Trying to get to curtains.) Where is Jessica? 

Sir C. 

(Stopping him.) No. 2 I'm to take the message. 

Lady Jessica, your husband is waiting to take you to 

supper. You've only just time to go home and 

dress. 

(Lady Jessica draws curtains aside, turns and 
throws a last agonized adieu to Falkner who 
stands speechless and helpless. Lady Jessica 
then controls her features and comes out to Gil- 
bert. The curtains close.) 
150 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT IV 



Gtlbert. 

Will you come home and dress and go to the 
Savoy to supper? (Offering arm.) 

Lady J. 
Delighted. (Taking his arm.) 

Gilbert. 
And you, Rosy? 

Lady R. 



I can't. (Looking at watch.) It's nearly ten 
o'clock ! 1 Good-night, Sir Christopher. Good- 
night, dearest. (Kissing Lady Jessica.) Good- 
night, Gilbert. 2 Take care of her, or you'll lose 
her. Excuse my running away, I must get back to 
my poor old Freddie. 

(Exit Lady Rosamund. Falkner's face appears 
through the curtains. Lady Jessica sees it.) 

Sir C. 

Good-night, Lady Jessica, and good-bye! 

Lady J. 

Good-night, Sir Christopher, and — (at Falk- 
ner) one last " Good-bye." 

(She looks towards curtains as if about to break 
away from Gilbert and go to Falkner.) 

Sir C. 
Good-night, Nepean! 

Gilbert. 
Good-night, Deering. 

Sir C. 
Try and keep her. She's worth the keeping. 

I5i 



1 Crosses to C. 



8 Crosses to L. of 
Gilbert. 



ACT IV 



THE LIARS 



sc. I 



>£ 



Gilbert. 
I'll try. 

(Exeunt Lady Jessica and Gilbert. 1 Sir Chris- 
topher goes towards door with them; Falkner 
comes forward in great despair from curtains, 
throws himself into chair against table, buries 
his face in his hands. ) * 



Warn curtain. 



*L. 



Sir C. 

(Goes to him very affectionately.) Come! 
Come! My dear old Ned! This will never do! 
And all for a woman! They're not worth it. 
(Aside, softly.) Except one! They're not worth 
it. Come, buckle on your courage ! There's work 
in front of you, and fame, and honour! And I 
must take you out and bring you back with flying 
colours ! Come ! Come ! My dear old fellow ! 

Falkner. 
Let me be for a minute, Kit. Let me be ! 
(Enter Beatrice. 2 Sir Christopher goes to her.) 

Bea. 
What's the matter? 

Sir C. 

Hush ! Poor old chap ! He's hard hit ! Every- 
body else seems to be making a great mess of their 
love affairs. We won't make a mess of ours? 

Bea. 

No. You'll get over this, Ned ? We'll help you. 
You'll get over it? 

Falkner. 

(Rising with great determination.) Yes, I shall 

152 -0 



SC. I 



THE LIARS 



ACT IV 



pull round. I'll try! I'll try! To-morrow, Kit? 
We start to-morrow? 



Sir C. 2 

(Putting one arm round each affectionately.) 
To-morrow ! My wife ! My friend ! My two com- 
rades ! 

CURTAIN. 

{(Time — 21 minutes.) 



C. Beatrice L. 
Falkner B. 



153 



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THE LIARS 

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